Cod Almighty | Diary
Got to keep the loonies on the path
27 June 2016
I must remember to bring the washing in if it rains, I must remember to bring the washing in if it rains. Ah, yes, hello there. It's a late June Monday and nothing's happening in the world whatsoever. Oh no, not at all. So it's the return of the slack for your daily dose of mid-morning mutters. Here's D-d-d-d-d-deviant Diary with some rumblings and mumblings… oh, it's raining. That was thunder in the heart of Lincolnshire, not Slaven Bilic laptop dancing.
Like the EU, like the Euros, we sit here wondering why we haven't left yet. After a fortnight of fulminating and flaccid floundering, we can see clearly now Ukraine has gone. This two weeks of turgid tosh has proven that the Standard Operating Model for modern football is Braintree. Brainary, Brainania, Brainmania, Brainakia, the Brain Republic, the Republic of Brainland, Northern Brainland, and ah-ahaaaaaaaaaaa, ah, they come from the land of the ice and snow, from the midnight sun where the hot springs flow. Of course brainless olde Englande play Brainland tonight.
What's that, Basil Exposition? Don't mention the Cod Wars? This disunited kingdom, this sceptic isle's been hammering the cods off Iceland since 1415 you know. Eric of Pomerania. The Caspian. Anthony Crosland. Do they mean nothing to the youth of today? Maybe Roy Hodgson's last throw of the tactical dice will be to threaten to pull out of NATO, or declare a 200m exclusion zone around Raheem Sterling? It's that or James Milner. You know it's going to happen: it's just a question of when. I'll plump for the 82nd minute for the Milner Moment, the International Parslow Point. You gotta hang on to what you've got.
Town. Do you remember those days when the close season was just that: three months when we closed our eyes and relaxed, watching cricket all day on BBC (switched to BBC2 for the afternoon session when the racing from Ascot was on). We didn't know and couldn't know what was going on back in Blighty. We all just waited a few games to see what these new players were like before deciding who was the new "worst player eva".
New players? Yes, since last you were diaried (sic, and boy doesn't verbing make the original/regular Diary sick), Ashley Renaldo Chambers has walked back into the building. So that's a new old player then. Maybe more today, but your Tuesday diarist needs content, so let rumours become fact before your yoghurt-reading Guardian eaters make comment.
Calm down at the back, we've been out of the League loopiness for six years. Just admit it: we know nothing about anything. But then again, we now live in a post-factual world.
Right, I'm off to the dentist before she gets deported back to her Iberian roots.