Cod Almighty | Diary

Hello, what do you do? You're a plumber? What on earth is that?

5 May 2017

Transpennine Diary writes: Good morning from the 10:28 Transpennine Express from Stockport to Cleethorpes, arrives 12:50. Two Peroni for a fiver except in one particular Wetherspoons in Liverpool for Tranmere away and the occasional London branch if you fall unlucky.

It's been a very strange season. I spent the first third in an emotional battle with myself supporting Paul Hurst. In my opinion Ashley Chambers, Luke Summerfield and James Berrett would almost certainly have taken us to the play offs. We were only ever going to get better. I doubt if Hurst would ever have allowed Wigan to get anywhere near Omar in January. Pompey are good but Plymouth, like Donny, are just well organised and organisation was Paul's strength. Carlisle, Stevenage, Blackpool and Luton? Pah. Exeter merely served to remind Paul that it's all about keeping us shape. We wouldn't have conceded fours and fives at Fratton Park and Crewe with Paul in charge.

But it was doing my head in. There were at least, or at most 24 people who said #hurstout on Twitter and despite John Fenty being only an observer on the blue bird thing, he was gone. Why? Who knows. Do you know what, I genuinely believe that Dave Moore would have guided us to the play-offs. I was at Yeovil, I know.

In walks Smiley Marcus. He's the man for me. A three-year plan you know. Batten down the hatches until new year's day (and Hartlepool), then it felt like we had three new managers, Bignot, Moore and Whild; and Dave and Andy. I bullshitted myself that everything would be OK. I was wrong.

When I heard that Smiley was receiving directions from above via Bluetooth and Andy, I started to worry. Marcus me old mate, if Hartlepool give you the job (as I hope they do) ditch the other lot and do it your way. They don't know what they're doing.

Anyway, Russell Slade. If he retires in a few years' time with two promotions under his belt, he took his time but it worked for me. I'm an optimist. If you're going to appoint a manager in the fourth division, he needs experience, vigour, personality and a decent track record. Preferably he'll have won a few promotions but if he has, we can't afford him. He's a bit defensive, so chuck the bloke in who was in my class at school and played for Everton and Boro and knows where the goal is. Winner.

I like an away day. Flew to Plymouth and Torquay, cheaper than the train you know. I'm pleased the two Ps from the south coast are gone – too far. Only Newport (?), Yeovil and Swindon on a Tuesday night left to scare me now. I'd mention Cheltenham, but they're first away game at 9am on the first Saturday so I'm not worried.

I've got a mate who has a scar from a 50p thrown at him at Port Vale, so fond memories there, and as for Coventry, they are so full of themselves that they'll explode. Chesterfield is a mere 40 minutes from Transpennine HQ so I look forward to that. Strange place.

I'm pleased Lincoln got promoted. Sorry. We'll take six points off them. I hope. I think the Cowleys are very good but Slade plus our current squad are better. Danny, get rid of most of your current squad or do a Cheltenham, please do a Cheltenham. Nice conkers at Aldershot, by the way, and they confiscate your aftershave.

Plymouth, Doncaster and Pompey are promoted so if I had my way I'd choose Portsmouth for the title and save Hartlepool from the drop.

Mexicans aside, my ticket from Stockport to Cleethorpes on Saturday is about £40 plus my season ticket, so if you wouldn't mind please score lots of goals, upset Plymouth slightly and make me smile.