Cod Almighty | Diary
Cycling is bad for your health
9 September 2015
Wicklow Diary writes: Welcome to your stress-free, still-living-off-Saturday's-victory, Wednesday diary. I started the day with my first cycle to work this year – so let's get the diary over with so I can curl back up under the desk to chew chocolate energy bars.
The reserves lost 2-0 yesterday afternoon against Notts County. Despite the result, the outing was good news for Craig Clay and others who haven't featured lately such as Clifton and Venney. I happened to notice the nippers loading the team kit onto the bus after the Boreham Wood game. Although pleasing to see adherence to the old apprentice values, it would be sad if that was their only role at the moment.
The game was played at Arnold Town, sure to be on the list albeit towards the bottom, of possible names for our Nathan's future barber shop. County's second goal was scored by Lartey Sarpong, a name not quite up there with my current favourite handle Mardy Fish but still useful for practising your Scrabble on. 'Real party song' is my best effort which is not bad considering 'Paul Hurts' and 'Paul's Hurt' left the kids unimpressed in a recent anagram game based on the current staff. Look, you should know by now that words aren't my forty.
With all the facts flying about today about a bag of lard dripping costing tuppence ha'penny in 1952, Town fans need something relevant to give the queen's reign perspective. At 5pm, bow your head and ponder that 23,226 days, 16 hours and 23 minutes ago, Bill Shankly was in charge and Town were three games into a club record 11-game winning streak. Three whole months of victories! Would we even be able to cope with this? Please let us one day find out.
This was the team that inspired the famous "Pound for pound, and class for class" Shankly quote. Interestingly, the record league attendance for Blundell Park came the week after the run ended with a 2-1 defeat at Hartlepoolses. (I'm hoping that they didn't just assemble to shout 'Shanks Out'). The winning run proved to be in vain that season. With only the champions promoted, a poor start to the season had left Town with too much to do. Of course, that could never happen nowadays. As for who finished champions, I can't remember – you'll have to look that up for yourself.
The trip to Borehamwood was a success on all fronts. On a personal note, it started well and I had a photo of a Peter Sellers star within moments of stepping off the train. One for the family album and we haven't even left the station. Putting aside thoughts of "what the hell is it doing in the footpath of the station car park?", I moved on. One of the locals in the car park had questions too. Complaining to a PC about the "noisy lot with wigs on the high street", she seemed confused yet reassured by the response. "It's not going to be like this every week, ma'am – Grimsby have a League following."
Ah yes, the high street. An incredible collection of shops – many in need of the "THIS IS NOT A SECOND HAND SHOP" sign from CA's definition of nunty. The diversity. Bed sheets, spark plugs, Mars bars and Domestos all sat on the same shelf. I suppose we should applaud their resilience to the ubiquitous high street model with the usual predictable brands.
The cultural highlight of the trip came at Luton Airport on the way home. Fighting my way through groups of burly blokes in tight white T-shirts and pencilled-in eyebrows (did I miss a meeting?), I walked into the gents to find a lad sat on the sinks washing his feet in a basin. I tried to proceed as normal but had to seek an alternative venue when the lad fell on his arse while chucking one of his shoes at an outraged attendant. There you go, Lonely Planet Guide, you can have that one for free.
Anyway, back to football matters. After some messing about with Halifax earlier this season, Boreham Wood seem to have sorted out their filming arrangements. With the GTFC Mariners Player team perched in the West Stand and the BT Sport crew opposite, we could enjoy the highlights from both sides of the pitch. Cameras in both stands? I thought that was confined to your fancy World Cup stadiums with gantries in both side stands to flog burger and coke advertising in different languages. Throw in the efforts of Town fan Simon Stephenson on periscope.tv and I was able to spend most of Sunday revelling in the goals from multiple angles and perspectives.
Unfortunately, the BT Sport show wasn't a complete success. Of course, I want Town back in the League. However, I don't get too upset about aspects of non-League referred to by some as 'tinpot': you're in the league you're in for a reason, deal with it. This view changed during the highlights show as five years in, the full horror of non-League finally struck me. The sight of Matt Rhead retrieving the ball from the net to make a thigh-chaffing speed waddle back to the centre circle left me in 'ultimate pain'. The presenter delivered the punchline by noting that his effort made him the league's top scorer with six goals. What the fucking WTF? That's it, we need to get out of here. I'm lining up Made in England '90 with one of our own, Thomas Turgoose, as alternative viewing in case Brodie produces a similar video nasty at BP this weekend.
To complete my favourite striker round-up, here's an update on 'Blissett Watch', aka 'Why we shouldn't necessarily grumble when Hurst doesn't make panic signings'. Nathan has now featured in three games for Tranmere with a total haul of no goals and one point. He did manage, however, to make the bank holiday BT Sport highlight reel when he fell over the ball from a yard out. On a happier Blissett note, his older but probably still better uncle, Luther, is among the legends featuring for the Lashings All Star XI in a fundraiser at Cleethorpes Town this Friday.
The aforementioned Periscope is an interesting application. While still at an early stage, the technology and quality are obviously going to improve. It could be quite amusing to see TV companies who've paid billions get in a sweat over streams that are being shared for free. Forgive me, it's a thin line between sci-fi genius and paranoid online crank, but there might be one of those cyberpunk novels in this.
Factor in other technologies and you have drone wars not clone wars. BT Sport and Sky will form an Evil Empire with crack shots in the floodlight gantries trying to prevent pirate footage being broadcast from drones hovering over the pitch. The endgame is a device to erase your memory of the game as you leave the stadium to avoid copyright infringement by retelling match highlights in the pub or thinking about them as you lie in bed that night. Just be reassured that in this crazy dystopian novel, set years in the future, Town are still fourth in the Conference and make pleasing progress towards a move from Blundell Park.
Before I get back under the desk to my chocolate (and having re-read that last paragraph it seems I need it), I'll leave you with a link to a fine article on how the Football League needs to get its act together and prepare for our imminent-ish arrival.