Cod Almighty | Diary

Klytus, I'm bored, what play thing can you offer me today?

16 June 2025

Today is shaping up nicely as Grimsby's version of 18 April 1930 when the BBC declared there was no news and simply played some plinky-plonky piano music for quarter of an hour. Go on, you could do the same, try it, it's very relaxing, especially with all that stuff going on here, there and everywhere but Blundell Park.

Ah, but what? And who?

Personally your distractingly Deviant Diary would go for Grieg's Piano Concerto by Grieg. The older, even more discerning diary readers may be fans of faux sophistication and plump for dour Dane Victor Borge's comic chops. Richard Clayderman? As long-gone-John would have said: "One for the ladies". Hey, we could tempt Retro Diary out of retirement! Ah, but the question is: can he play Flash.

With proper football having ended we're left with nothing: the dregs of dreary internationals and FIFA's version of BFS, where the dogs of society howl. These are merely the bread and circuses of the money-laundering classes.

With proper football having ended and everyone still on holiday we're locally left with speculation, indignation at the speculation, consternation that anyone takes any notice of speculation, indignation at the consternation, consternation at the indignation, rumours, innuendo and other album titles found in Alan Partridge's record collection.

The grass is still growing, the shop is now open and loads of people bought stuff. We already knew that Jolting Joe Hutchinson had bolted and Town are going to leave it to Jennings. THERE IS NO NEWS. But you could while away an hour listening to the latest VFTF podcast.

News flash!

My God, we're moving. For God's sake, strap yourselves down…there's a temporary closure of part of Public Footpath 11 between Grid Reference TA527003, 409652 and Frederick Ward Way at Grid Reference TA527000, 409543! Oh, hang on, that was announced last week. Sorry, false alarm.

The simple fact is there are no new facts. What do you want to fill the void, a poem about wandering around the Carr Lane allotments? I can't wait for the Mariners meltdown when the stadium-rights-family-silver-sell-off is announced and we shall forever more (subject to contract break and automatic renewal clauses) be attending the Losers, Boozers and Jacuzzi Users Arena.

It's summer. Chill out baby.