Cod Almighty | Diary

Sing for your supper and you'll get a dog's breakfast

8 September 2025

At four o'clock on Saturday the world was a fine place indeed. The robber baron's empire was lying scattered across its own verdant velvet lawn, slain by St George and his merry men; and ex-Chairman Wow was not only elevated to the House of Lords but appointed a government minister. Peak Town, peak Jase, but let's remember that Peek Freans is just another legacy biscuit brand, victim of rapacious capitalism. Bring back their jammy dodgers! Sort it Stockwoodses!

Is this a pinnacle or a platform? It's definitely one of LJS's infamous inflection points.

But what title shall he take? Lord Stockwood of Nunsthorpe and a Greasy Chip Buttie? Lord Jason of Down Meggies and Up Top Town? Nah, has to be Lord Stockitts of Blundell Park. Labels are irrelevant, it's all about substance. Now the question is: will he be singing to his civil servants in the modern style?

"I'm an insomniac, I'm an insomniac staring at the ceiling waiting for my thoughts to speak on."

Insomniac, maniac, they sound the same, but no-one sane will want her to sing it again. Would anyone sane vote for her again?

Gravitas, substance, competence, dignity. These are words, you may apply them how you wish to who you wish, but regardless of political leanings Dumb Andrea is beyond a joke. This humanoid is given £86,060 per annum by the way. Each and every one of us in Lincolnshire pays for that. Labels are irrelevant, it's all about substance. Just because someone is on your side doesn't mean they are right for the job they are doing.

The Wolds Panther did well, didn't he.

With CA permanently absent on principle from that place, we don't have the usual match reporter to fly off into fancyland with a string of superlatives and secret references to the Wurzels and early 70s chanteuse Clodagh Rogers. We do recognise that the moment - which is, after all, our moment - justifies memorialising and Jase Ives memorised the many magic moments in the contractual obligation game. He entered the den of thieves for you and saw things you people would not believe. Are you looking for fun and feeling groovy? So go on, feel the vibes from a vibrant vivacious virtuoso performance (for half a game).

With a week's R and R they can prepare fully for their Cambridge entrance exam, whilst corporate Town prepare again for life without the figurehead. Maybe we should look at this as merely work experience or a sabbatical after which he can come back, refreshed and raring to rev us up again. Whichever way you lean, you can't get away from the fact that Jason Stockwood really is one of our own, he's merely on loan to Labour.

And all in all, after all that's said and done your Deviant diary can only conclude that now we know how many proles it takes to fill the House of Lords. Don't you just love it that this Town really turns you on.