Cod Almighty | Diary

KEY FACT: the last of the four films in which Lauren Bacall appeared with Humphrey Bogart was Key Largo

24 July 2018

Middle-Aged Diary has news for you. News that you already know, but never mind. Both bits of news are about footballers called Vern.

After a disappointing 2017-18 season in which he never quite fulfilled the coveted role of official club scapegoat, ex-Mariner Scott Vernon has signed for Cleethorpes Town. A natural successor to Gary 'Lumpaldinho' Jones, the opportunity to partner Danny North up front has proved irresistible. If you find yourself nostalgic for Alan Buckley's third period in charge then get yourself to the Owls one day. Like the third Buckley spell, Vernon had more decent moments than some people remember. We wish him well.

The main thing you need to know about Charles Vernam, who has joined Grimsby on a two-year contract, is that his full name is Charles Terence Priestley Vernam. Even now, the Cod Almighty editorial team are making careful plans to ensure that I never get to interview Vernam, and spend a disproportionate amount of time finding out if that extra middle name is a tribute to the Bradford-born author of An Inspector Calls, Time and the Conways and many other fine novels and plays.

I never saw Vernam play during his loan spell with us last season, cut short as it was by injury. You will be better placed than me to judge whether he 'had something about him'. Michael Jolley obviously thinks so. The official site interview highlights his care and persistence in maintaining a relationship with the forward, successfully keeping open the door to bring him back to Blundell Park.

Vernam is available for the game against Doncaster tonight. Doncaster, like us, are one of the archetypal touchstone clubs. Whenever a big club finds itself near the foot of a league table in March, you can be sure football journalists will be checking out the league below to see if they can write "one-time European Cup winners Aston Forest can forget about the San Siro or the Bernebeu. Next season they may need the route maps to Doncaster Rovers".

Who better to play against in a pre-season friendly than a touchstone team. Enjoy the game if you are going.