Cod Almighty | Diary

Any More Pie?

3 March 2026

Ah, so are we all happy now that Town cut the mustard by winning the latest must-win game? Mustard on pies? Not to your Deviant Diary's taste. Gravy. Always gravy.

How apposite and indeed appetising, for Brisith Pie Week got off to a bang as the Mad Pies were humbled at home. Now, don't you go confusing it with National Pie Day, or even Pi Day, we're here to square your circle with a laser-like focus on precision-tooled facts. I know what I'm thinking – do you prefer round or square edges? What about crusts? What kind of pastry? These are important issues in important times and the times they are a-changing, so I'd better change the subject before you object, your honour.

The Big News that has got us very excited here at CA Towers is the announcement of the New Deal. Bravo Mr Roosevelt, we're right behind you! Cod Speed to the three goals of relief for the needy, economic recovery, and financial reform, all of which rather neatly sums up the long delayed Premier League/EFL settlement that the regulator is hinting at imposing.

Oh, not that one, they're still dithering and we're still waiting patiently for the dosh. Someday it will surely come but the waiting is over for nearly everyone's favourite jukebox jiver, the striped surfer: Mr Slim Charles Vernam. The Wolds Panther will be prowling the periphery of many visions for another year with an option for another year on top of that, which should allay the fears of fans of flank-based high jinkery (tracking back optional).

Now, I know what you're thinking… the answer is Khouri, Svanthorsson, Warren, McEachran and Rodgers.

What are you thinking about now? Are you thinking ahead to the International Week at the end of March? Are you thinking the Geezer from the Freezer and Jude the Obscure will get called up again? Mmm, me too. They may get called up but can they get there? Would any sane person want to try and get there? As the Faroe Islands are going to be playing Singapore and UAE in that there Middle East in Turmoil, it's highly dubious that their Dubai-based training camp will happen. With the Thais at home to Turkmenistan in the Asian Cup there's another unlikely event, or at least unlikely that a bloke from Britain can fly there and back. The Thai Terror will just have to walk his dog along the sea front instead, far cosier, far safer.

Far, far more serious is the possibility, nay the probability, nay, nay Mr Wilkes, surely the certainty that we may be without Clarke The Closer – Kenya have a prestige friendly with Estonia. In Rwanda. It's unthinkable, isn't it. But then again losing 5-0 at Braintree was. Makes you think.

I know what you weren't thinking. Whatever happened to baby Luca? Well now you know, for the clubless former borrowed boy Barrington, very much the homeopathic Panther, has signed for Boston, or "Paul Hurst's Boston" as they are now known. Yep, just in time for the Lincolnshire Cup final.

What are you thinking about now? Oh, yes, there's a game tonight. Our special insight, honed from 24 years of content filling word salads and our inside knowledge gleaned from once sitting near a player when he was injured, allows us to exclusively reveal that David Artell will select a squad of players and we'll eventually find out. Celebrity Salford eh, it's quite a big 'un. Can we get Calamity Karl in a tizz again? Maybe if we think and wish and hope and pray it might come true. Now wouldn't that be nice.