Match stats: Grimsby v Stockport County

Cod Almighty | Match Stats

Saturday 10 February 2024

Division 4

Grimsby Town 1 Eisa (52)

Stockport County 3 Sarcevic (10), Oloafe (14), Cass (27)

Attendance: 6,732 (689 away fans)

Sponsors' man of the match: Danny Rose

Can we fault the default setting for these dolled-up day trippers to McMenemy's when a game was this upsetting? Yes, pay attention, stop watching the telly and look through any of the windows. What do you see?

Cod Almighty man of the match: Denver Hume

There's only one Denver Hume, the only one of ours that would get a sniff of a contract in Hatterland. We've finally found a full-back who can defend properly and his surges put Ringo's roaming in perspective.

Our gaffer says

The road is long with many a winding turn that leads us to who knows where, who knows where. But he's strong, strong enough to carry the can. The seer of visions knows where, so on we go:

"We're playing our way. Make a mistake, well, just don't make another. What you can't do is compound that mistake by kicking the ball as far away as possible. That's a coward’s way out influenced negatively by an understandably frustrated crowd.

That's the challenge…it's going to take three transfer windows, not just personnel but time"

Yeah Dave, we've seen that road before. Don't use the c-word, it never ends well.

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Their gaffer says

The demeanour of the dark lord of lower league football suggested that defeating Artell's artisans was a considerable distance from reaching the first pump threshold. Yeah kids, don't do drugs, just do your homework and life is easy-peasy, Lemonheigh squeezy:

"We knew how they were going to play and so rather than being really aggressive on that first line we set them traps to allow them to play out and then really go and jump all over that, which worked really well"

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What more is there to say? Same issues just different faces. Flyweights trampled by middleweights.

The three hoiked at half time deserved to be hoiked, but then so did many more. Thompson ain't no gazelle, Old Gav is this month's Waterfall and falling rapidly back to the Bananarama and finally we had Arthur, the ephemeral butterfly. Overpowered, overrun, over the hill and far, far away.

The rigidity of the rules of Artellball is causing innocents to be abused for their inability to do things they aren't capable of doing. Young Harvey Cartwright is damned if he does, damned if he doesn't. When he wellied it as the crowd demanded, he was told off by Maher and still choi-oiked by the very same people who complained about the junior Pepballing. As was Rodgers who visibly crumpled as the grumbles rolled down. He was far better when not playing in front of the Pontoon.

It was fraught, it was frantic and they just looked frightened of their own feet, so is it a surprise it all ended in defeat?

The full-backs look adequate though. They try and defend.

Practice makes perfect they say. They say a lot of things they do.


Well, there's the benefit of listening to teacher and doing your homework. Each player knew what to do, they did it and they didn't need to do anything more than shuffle around watching the pigeon of doom circling the Pontoon for the last hour.

It's hard to pick anyone out in particular for it was the cohesive collective that done it. A smooth machine, a Ferrari purring away from the plebs in their second-hand Yaris at the traffic lights. They just looked a league above.

They've spent their money well.

Stockport County: bigger, faster, stronger, better. Everywhere. Off and on the pitch, in head and foot, and head and shoulders above anything we've seen in this dreary division.

Grimsby 'til I die... or cry?

Drowning in emotional incontinence. Even the booing was rubbish.

Official warning

Mr T Parsons

You can't give what you can't see, and the tangerine dreamer couldn't see all the little blue blocks and wrestles behind his back. Tommy couldn't help to cheer us, but did know what day it was. He was not too bad, all things considered: 7.001

Readers' digest

This wasn't a match, it was a contractual obligation.

In a word: stark


Town: Cartwright, Smith, Maher, Rodgers, Hume, Holohan (Andrews h-t), Thompson (Green h-t), Gnahoua (Vernam h-t), Clifton, Eisa (Obikwu 83), Rose

Subs not used: Eastwood, Mullarkey, Pyke

Booked: Thompson, Smith, Green, Maher

Stockport County: Hinchliffe, Cass, Horsfall, Wright (Byrne 41), Bristow, Camps (Hippolyte 64), Powell (Touray 73), Lemonheigh-Evans, Sarcevic (Bailey 64), Croasdale, Oloafe (Madden 73)

Subs not used: Smith, Richards

Booked: Sarcevic, Cass, Camps