Cod Almighty | Diary

Felix Baumgartner ain't got nuffink on us

26 February 2014

Ronan Keating once sang: "Life is a rollercoaster, just gotta ride it". Riding it we are, Ronan, and I'm starting to feel bilious. I only paid for one ride but it keeps on going round. "Scream if you want to go faster": isn't that the Walters? Whatever. There were a fair amount of screams coming from Southport last night as Town yet again failed to win one of the 263 games we have left in hand. It wouldn't be a Town season as we know it if there wasn't a period of freefall.

Going against the grain of recent trends, we actually started well last night and scored first. Hurrah! But then we made a few mistakes! Boo! And then lost! Booer! But we hit the woodwork 12 times. As my mum said back when I was choosing my GCSEs, "woodwork counts for nothing you idiot, now eat your gruel and put some knickers on".

What have we got to do then? Well, your London Diary doesn't have the answer, I'm afraid. I like to compare a football season with a trip to Egypt; you get all excited at the beginning, you have some fun, you might even have a holiday romance, but you are guaranteed to have the shits for a period of time whilst there. When you go home you vow never to go back again, but we always do because it's cheap and we're romantics. At the moment we're in 'the shits' period. We're on the toilet and it's painful. We need to stack up on bog roll, grit our teeth and wait for our bowels to stop freefalling. OK, I'm finished.

Seems that Luton have pretty much secured promotion and if they don't get the automatic spot I will eat my hat. I don't even own a hat, so you can choose the hat, I'll buy the hat, then I'll eat said hat. You won't get fairer than that. Now go get some Dioralyte from Boots and I'll see you at the departure gate.