Cod Almighty | Diary

Filtering facts through the prism of pain

31 March 2014

There's a man on the radio talking about his two beautiful grandchildren. What about the ugly ones? At least he feigned ignorance of Rush. Oh such a lucky man, he was.

Hello, hello, hello. Oh what a beautiful morning, oh what a beautiful Special Bonus Diary day this is, missus, for sticking a cucumber through the letterbox and shouting: "Help, help, the Martians have landed!" There was a gunpoint robbery at the Hereford Casino over the weekend, which is not a metaphor for Town's Saturday Bulls hit: it quite literally happened, mate. I suppose that's one way of raising £78,000 by Friday.

The Manager Formerly Known As Shorty is both delighted and disappointed with the fruits of Saturday's laboriously laboured victory, which perfectly encapsulates the existential Gordian knot we all find ourselves in with Town. There's nothing new here: minimalist, laboured, passionless, anodyne, boring, useless, shocking, choose your own phrase from the smorgasbord of cant. Rodman scored, Kerr got sent off, nothing else happened. If Town were a can of peas, the serving suggestion would be "best watched on teletext".

Saturday? Me? I just read a book about the Stockholm syndrome instead. It started off badly but by the end I really liked it. It balances out life as a Town supporter. Why in the world are we here? It's cosmic karma.

With the news that fish catches in some areas of the tropics are projected to fall by between 40 and 60 per cent, all thoughts turn towards Tuesday's Wrecsam woe-to-be. And then turn rapidly towards cheese on toast for lunch. I won't be going, Burnsy, but we'll be rubbish. For those with a an interest in such things, Andi Thanoj will be replacing passionate Scott Kerr and Cook's burnt his cupcakes, so Fennel John-Lewis (his name is a flop) is bound to re-emerge on the world stage.

There’s nothing to say and nothing to see. Just like match days at Blundell Park.

Remember what Dan Quayle, very much the John Fenty of American politics, said: if we don't succeed we run the risk of failure. And now it's time for some Bachmann Turner Overdrive. Let's rock.