Cod Almighty | Diary

Why middle-aged men should never wear replica shirts

8 May 2017

Open Diary writes: "That," said my wife, as Jeff Stelling ripped off his suit jacket to show a Hartlepool United shirt beneath his waistcoat, "is why middle-aged men should never wear replica football shirts." At that moment, Hartlepool had just turned things around against Doncaster and were staying up. Moments afterwards, Matt Le Tissier burst the bubble in the studio by quietly letting out the news that Newport had scored. There was a stunned silence from all concerned. Stelling suddenly realised that oblivion beckoned.

At one time, relegation from the League meant a swift bounce back, as in the days of Colchester, Darlington and Carlisle. But York City and Stockport County will be meeting in the Conference North next year. You might wonder if either or both of Leyton Orient or Torquay United might be looking at the prospect of the Conference South at the end of next season.

For us, it's over in a different way. Another season done and dusted. Mid-table safety would have seemed fine at the start of the season. Not having seen a home match, this season has been a painful series of afternoons and evenings in places like Barnet, Stevenage, Wycombe and Colchester which are best forgotten, with the sole exception of the 1-0 win at Cambridge. Still, we would have settled for this last August and you couldn't see us coming through the play-offs against sides like Luton, Exeter and Carlisle.

The signs are that Slade and Wilkinson already realise they have a job on their hands. Let's face it, they were at Barnet last week and if you wanted to see what the shortcomings are, they were evident in spades at the Hive. So there will be another round of goings and comings which will be kicked off next week. Being optimistic, we can only do better next season than we have this.

Apart from Cleethorpes Town's prospects in the Vase final in a fortnight, there's little of real importance until the friendlies begin again. Who cares if a bunch of global mercenaries in blue or red wins the Premier League or the FA Cup? Does it matter if Tranmere or Forest Green win the play-off? Even the play-off weekend sounds a bit of an irrelevance.

That's it then for the summer. Cricket has started and tennis will fill up the back end of June. Town will be back in action for pre-season some time around the Wimbledon final. It doesn't seem that long when you put it like that, maybe?