Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 29 October 2004

29 October 2004

Sorry about yesterday; Mrs Diary had the day off work. Thanks, Miles. "The draw consists for forty ties drawn nationally" is a verse from the Old Testament, isn't it?

First today, floating punctuation news, and large question marks are hanging over several Town players in the run-up to tomorrow's game against Swansea. Jason the Crow has made some progress in his epic battle against the hamstring monsters, reports the club's official website, and has precisely half a chance of playing, being rated at "50/50" by Mr Russell Slade. John McMacMcMcDermott, though, "is probably 90 per cent doubtful", according to the manager man, but Messrs Terry Fleming and Deano Gordo are expected to be able to hold their battered bodies together for another week at least. As to Mr Russ's choice of formation for Saturday's proceedings, the Diary believes it's heads says 3-4-3, tails says 2-7-1, and probably two new 15-year-old loan strikers into the bargain.

Short-term defender Terrell Forbes has been handed what looks like a king-size Twix after his dilly-dallying boo-boo handed Chester their second goal last weekend, although it could be a massive boost. Yea, verily, for Noddy hath been on the blower to Forbes' Mr 10% and the two of them didst hold forth upon the plentiful shekels that the former QPR defender could trouser if he stays out of jail and decides he wants to remain at GTFC. "We discussed with his agent one or two situations," Slade has told BBC Humber, in a manner that suggests he is about to revert to an aquatic engineering metaphor at any moment. "Obviously, a lot of water has to go under the bridge before we can conclude any business with Terrell at this moment in time." Told you.

Cast your mind back, reader, and see if the fishes of the past fancy a nibble of your cerebral cortex. Or your bestial Cortez. Recall a time when the Mariners' midfield was the envy of the land, or at least those parts of it involved in the lower divisions of the English Football League. And what is that you see? It is the spiky mullet of Mr John Cockerill. And alongside it? Why, it is the shadowy form of Cockers' partner, Shaun Cunnington - another in the long line of players who were really good in black and white stripes but just couldn't get on in any other outfit. And why is the Diary leading you down this particular alley of reminiscence? Because Jan Molby has resigned as manager of Town's fourth division rivals Kidderminster and has been replaced, in a caretaker capacity, by Harriers' youth team manager Shaun Cunnington, that's why. Whoda thunk it?

The Diary could have even less to write about next season if FIFA carries on the way it's going. No, they're not banning unofficial, non-commercial websites just yet; they're on about extending that daft transfer window system from the Premiership into the Football League. League chairman Sir Coca-Cola Mawhinney has been fighting hard to keep the exemption, on the not unreasonable grounds that curtailing their ability to sell players for most of the year will probably put several clubs out of business, but FIFA overlord Mr Sepp Blatter has never been a man to let such piffling details stand in the way of progress, and so the completely pointless transfer window system is likely to be imposed on the second, third and fourth divisions as of the 2005-06 campaign. "The good of the game" my arse, Blatter.

"Sorry to pick pieces in emergency Miles' emergency Diary piece," writes Tony Butcher in an email, "but I would make a sound more obvious to the neighbours than 'Oh. Right' if we got drawn against Rotherham, as they won't be eligible to play the likes of Grimsby until the third round. It'd be historic to draw them in the first round, so a 'Wahey' sound would be more appropriate." Isn't everything that happens historic, though? "Personally, I'd want Brigg Town," adds Tone, "which would have the necessary level of sparkliness." This is not a word I thought I'd ever hear Mr Butcher use, so I will wish you all a glittery weekend as I skip off to celebrate by listening to the second Bis album.