Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 21 May 2012

21 May 2012

It's the Monday after the weekend, as Mondays tend to be. It's all over now baby blue, for we can swell our chests like capering capons and bask in the reflected glory of national success in the traditional finale to the European club season. Aren't we all so proud of them, every single one of 'em. Gawd bless 'em for vanquishing wealthy, haughty foe as destiny called. Yes, it was written: York proved that you can pass your way out of the Conference with super-dooper-uber-Buckleyball. The football nation rejoices. Your Deviant Diary reckons it's all about choices: I prefer a little bit of pickle with my choices.

There were other games apparently, but what have they to do with Town?

Or even the rest of this land of Great Britain and Northern Ireland? It's awl abart Laaaandon, innit. London sucks!. It's official 'cos the Big A, Austin Mitchell, aka "that bloke from Hull" (© Radio Five Live), says so. A bumptious, bloated Babylon full of chiselling barrow-boys. Rest easy, figurehead Fenty (Topsoil): he really was referring to That London. No need to send him to the back of the Findus.

The bricks have arrived! Mock we may, in May, but it's cheaper and less cheesy than those little Impies' cunning scheme to raffle off the naming rights to their Grand Ole' Opry for £50 a pop. Mmmmm, tempting isn't it. How does Really Little Blundell Park sound?

Do you think Serge wore his shin pads while watching Town games last season?

Who'd play Shorty 'n' Shouty in the motion picture event of the summer, asked West Yorkshire Diary all the way back last Wednesday. We have to somehow tickle your mental taste buds during the footballing famine ahead. Is he funny? How? Joe Pesci on stilts is a shoo-in for Shouty, with Ray Liotta as his quiet sidekick. If you ever meet Shouty in Sainsbury's don't call him a shoeshine boy. It'll end messily in the cat litter aisle with an unexpected nocturnal trip to Weelsby Woods.

Watch out Shorty, the witness protection scheme beckons. Like Town fans, you'll get to live the rest of your life like a schmuck.