Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 18 May 2012

18 May 2012

Mardy Diary writes: Yesterday John 'Shit or Bust' Fenty revealed to the Telegraph that next season the club will have a competitive budget, will be looking to have a 22-man squad and has already started early discussions with some potential targets. Today the Telegraph follows this up with an interview with Shorty, who tells us... exactly the same thing. We should be grateful for the consistency I guess, but I think I understood perfectly well the first time, thanks.

One player who won't be coming to Town is Sam 'Thermal Resistance' Togwell, lately of Plucky Scunny. I'm quite pleased about this on one level. Not because I think he's rubbish - reports suggest he's pretty decent - but that I don't think stretching the budget to buy players from the third division is really a good way to spend our ever-dwindling finance reduce our excessive levels of benign debt.

Miles Moss has written in response to the SNOS report that Rob Scott has been looking at that art stuff. "I see Rob Scott is a fan of Vladimir Kush, especially The Farewell Kiss," says Miles before suggesting some other Kush works that may be of interest to the Shouty one. Miles adds: "Sounds like a more appropriate painting for him. The Fish, the Town ('a symbol of organisation and orderliness' indeed!) and the man's 'unpredictable outburst of emotions'... perhaps he'd buy this painting if he HAD ANY FACKIN' MONEY!" Well, maybe next season's "competitive" budget includes an allowance for modern art in the changing room?

Rich Mills has written in response to the request for actors to play Shouty and Shorty in a film. "I've put a lot of thought into this and, rather than plump for more established actors, I have decided on the popular magic duo Penn and Teller. You know it makes sense," says Rich. I think there's already a duo out there with a history of working together on film who would fit the bill perfectly: Danny Devito and Arnie. Shouty would be played by Arnie, of course, who I'm sure would give an accurate portrayal of a manager on the edge of sanity: "Remember when I said we'd be successful? I liiieeed"; "Hasta la vista, Boston"; "What the fack aaaarreee you..."

And that is all the fackin' news. Have a good weekend.