Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 14 January 2010

14 January 2010

Normally you might think of news as things that happen, rather than things that don't happen. So trigger-happy has Deadly John Fenty (Con) become, though, that it's front page headline material these days when he doesn't sack a manager. "I can categorically state that there is nothing in Neil's contract about a limited number of matches. From the Board's point of view, there isn't a minimum number of games by which he will be measured," declares the fourth division Tory in today's Grimsby Telegraph, presumably responding to some pile of bollocks or other that he read on a messageboard. "I haven't heard those rumours," adds Councillor Fenty, who seems to know a lot about them. The chairman continues with a hymn of praise to Woodses' winless achievements so far but, while the Diary doesn't mean to sound deliberately cynical (well, not all the time), I could swear we heard some strikingly similar declarations not so long before the sackings of Graham Rodger, Alan Buckley and Mike Newell.

Incoming! While Neil Woodses understands that we rank-and-file Grimbarians do our best to convince ourselves that the worst outcome is always inevitable, so that we feel strangely consoled by an outcome that is merely very bad indeed, the Mariners' superb new official website has thrown his caution and expectation management to the wind. "You learn not to count your chickens before they hatch," says the manager of a new transfer target, further downplaying any misplaced optimism with a "hopefully" and a "there might be something happening". The SNOS, though, can't contain its excitement, headlining the story "Woods[es] Sets His Sights High" and speaking of "a high-profile player" in dialogue with the boss, echoing the spirit of Paul Groves' doomed but admirable attempt to loan Carlos Marinelli from Middlesbrough. Next thing we'll be targeting a place in the play-offs.

Today's turn at Tell The Telegraph We've Not Been The Best Lately But We'll Get Better Now, Honest falls to Peter Sweeney. The spectacular-goal-scoring midfielder displays extraordinary generosity, selflessness and dedication to the cause, though, explaining that he's so desperate for the Mariners to stay up that he wouldn't even mind Town surviving in the Football League if it meant another player ending the season with more goals than him. MBE, anyone? "I assure the fans that the results will start coming," Sweeney adds dutifully. "We've just got to keep believing. It doesn't do us justice where we are sitting in the league, because it's a good club here. Recently we've been dominating games against some of the big teams in the league. So once we get that bit of luck we'll start winning and everyone will be happy." It's that simple.

A passing glance at the Diary's inbox reveals that Richard Ellis has emailed with "a quick line to confirm that 'The Seafood Company' does exist [Diaries passim]. It is part of the Young's Seafoods group of companies." Thanks for clarifying, Richard. With Grimsby's new literalism in mind, I look forward with relish to the Rutland Arms being renamed The Pub, the Dock Tower rechristened Quite A Tall Building, and Sidney Park similarly retitled Some Grass And Trees And That.

Oh, and Danny North is available for loan.