Cod Almighty | Diary
When Two Teams go to VAR
8 July 2026
Manosphere type men are always telling us that men 'aren't allowed to cry' which is why mental health problems are so rampant amongst the male half of the population. Well, yesterday, the Vargentinian players proved that assertion incorrect by bawling their eyes out at full time. Next, the same men will be telling us that you're not allowed to smack an opponent in the chops right in the glare of the TV camera without VAR investigating. Oh, hang on, that's fine, apparently. If you've got the right shirt on.
Before the World Cup started I wrote a diary saying something along the lines of 'we know the World Cup is corrupt, we know the Infanta is a crook and we know Trump will try and ruin it, but enjoy the spectacle and the football anyway' and now I'm basking in the warm glow of perceived prophecy. I'm ace, me.
The trouble with VAR is that if you slow down football enough you can spot fouls all over the place. For example, if they slowed down footage of a corner at a Town match against Bromley they would pick out about seventeen minor shirt pulls, arm wraps, boot scuffs, play-wrestles and even the odd stabbing. The VAR boys and girls can then watch it back, decide which offences to ignore and which to penalise, and award a penalty to Argentina.
I was hoping that Columbia would beat Switzerland last night because, without resorting to national stereotypes at all, Columbia are famously a bunch of fruitcakes and if anyone could deal with the oompus boompus of the FIFA sponsored Argentinian bus ride to the final, they could. Switzerland, however, are harder than they look, like a Toblerone, and hopefully they will not stand for any nonsense either. Without resorting to national stereotypes at all, I somehow always imagine the Swiss team to consist of gentle cuckoo clock makers and artisan chocolate bakers wearing half moon spectacles whereas, in fact, they look more like Bromley. The football they play is like Town at their worst, though. Time and again they fashion opportunities for crosses or get the ball behind the defence only to turn round and pass it back to the midfield again.
Say what you like about Argentina, and I have a lot to say, but at least they try and score goals rather than recycle recycle recycle recycle oh my goodness its 0-0 there's a surprise.
On Saturday night I'm watching a Pink Floyd tribute band in Louth. Will they finish in time for me to watch the Ingerland kick off at 2200 hours? When I told Deviant Diary of the problem I faced he rolled his eyes, tutted, looked me dead in the eye and said 'what have I told you about going to watch Pink Floyd tribute bands?' Fair point, Deviant. I've learnt my lesson. Sorry.
Blundell Park may as well be on Pluto for all the news coming out of there at the moment, so forgive me if this diary is a little GTFC-less. But, as the old saying goes, you can't make a silk purse out of fresh air. So you'll have to settle for this sow's ear. Or something. UTM UTE OMG