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Diary - Friday 7 February 2003

7 February 2003

Town have signed a player! American forward Jake Sagare has, incredibly, been on trial at Blundell Park since late September - and after about 831 appearances for the reserves has just been rewarded with a full-time contract for a whole month, possibly as a gesture of UK support to President George Bush as he attempts to create a peaceful world by killing loads of people. Yo, Jake: the Diary hopes you optimise your endzone offensive potential with total goalstrike maximisation events.

Elsewhere, there is as yet no word from the latest midfielder due to reject a loan move to Grimmo. Michael Boulding, Alan Pouton, Stacy Coldicott and Darren Barnard were all expected to return to training today; but whether any of them will make Saturday's big relegation clash with Stoke is kinda doubtful. Darren Mansaram is sidelined for two weeks with ankle ligament damage, and Steve Livingstone begins his three-match ban for not hitting Robert Molenaar in the face. All of which is probably a realistic explanation for Town suddenly hearing Jake Sagare noisily clearing his throat in the changing room.

And if Mr Groves wants another forward to join Sagare on the bench tomorrow then he may already have been alerted to the availability of Lee 'Peggy' Ashcroft, the fabulously gifted former Town striker who never got around to cutting down on his porklife, mate, and getting some exercise. The player has had his contract paid up by Wigan and is a free agent. Town spent a now-unthinkable half a million quid on Ashcroft in 1998, way back before Carlton and Granada reduced the club to its current state of destitution, in an uncanny precursor of the Diary's mate spending 60 notes on a pair of Levi's recently and then being made redundant.

Daryl Clare's confectionery-related antics have hit the rarefied heights of TV's They Think It's All Over. The former Town forward, now plying his trade to great effect with Chester City, was recently captured on camera commemorating a goal by stuffing a Mars bar down his gob in a witty retort to his manager Mark Wright, who believes Clare (like Ashcroft before him) could maybe shed a pound or two; and the novelty celebration made it onto the BBC's repetitive, laddish sports quiz show this week. Well done, Daryl!

And finally, the Diary is doing a little interview with Radio Stoke about tomorrow's match! Readers in north and mid-Staffordshire and south Cheshire can hear us rap between six and seven o'clock this evening on 94.6 or 104.1 FM.