Cod Almighty | Article
by Richard Lord
5 January 2005
Until a couple of days ago I didn't know it existed. But after scanning round the club shop recently I noticed it, sitting proudly between the player photos and a pencil case inside the glass cabinet. Down... But STILL Not Out is last season's GTFC highlights video.
I've always been a fan of these videos; indeed, I've had the privilege of standing next to the commentary team on the gantry a couple of times. And that's why we really buy the videos. The commentary is what it's all about. You don't seriously think I'd buy the video for the excellent football we all witnessed home and away last season, do you?
John Moore, Martin Wilson, Graham Shearsmith and Pete Wilson are on top form once again, and as a bonus - which I don't think has been achieved before - I can't think of one game from last season that isn't covered here. So yes, we can relive the drubbings at Hartlepool, Port Vale, Wycombe and Oldham. However, let's not forget those precious wins at Blackpool and Brentford!
The video begins in its usual manner, with John Moore reflecting on the season that has just passed. John's in a sombre mood, of course, this time performing his piece to camera from the Player of the Year awards at the Winter Gardens, as opposed to the established approach of introducing the video from the corner of his living room.
The highlights themselves are pretty fluent. There is no annoying pop-up Mighty Mariner with his comical captions (season 2000-01) and no annoying music over the away games that didn't have commentary (again, season 2000-01). In fact, there are quite a few away games that don't have any commentary. Although there was a great effort a couple of seasons back when John added his own commentary afterwards, this time it's kept nice and simple, and in my opinion the sound of the crowd is good enough anyway - assuming that there isn't a funny 'home' commentator at the away games (such as the one at Bradford a couple of years ago when the Mariners lost 3-2, whose screams of "YEEESSSSSS!!!" when the Bantams scored will be firmly lodged in my memory for years to come).
Who can forget those Simon Ford moments? And what about Tony Crane's temper? Michael Boulding's goals, Phil Jevons' silky skills, Stacy Coldicott's 'yard-dog' performances, Iain Anderson and Darren Barnard's collective excess weight... it's all there on one video, priced at £14.99 from the club shop.
When it's not Mickael Antoine-Curier, Simon Ford, Paul Warhurst or any other useless Town player making you laugh, it's John Moore. "And Luton can take this corner short because there's no marking" is just one of many desperately accurate pieces of commentary on the tape. "I was going to swear!" can be heard after Blackpool scored their second goal following Antoine-Curier's persistent fannying around in his own penalty box. Do not fear: we still have plenty of the obligatory "crikey!", "look out!", "nasty!" and "surely!" which have peppered the microphone right from the glory days.
Despite the disappointment of last season's relegation, there are still some excellent matches and goals to be seen. The Boxing Day 3-3 draw at home to Oldham, the 4-4 draw at Chesterfield, the 6-1 win against Barnsley and the 3-2 home win over Luton all bring you the entertainment you expected. OK, so we've got an 8-1 defeat, a 6-0 defeat, a 5-1 defeat, a 4-1 defeat...
Until reflecting on this video, I didn't realise how many red cards we saw last season. Most of them are shown here, though Mike Edwards' dismissal at Oldham is omitted. But you have plenty to go on: both of Tony Crane's, Des Hamilton and Marcel Cas both went at Doncaster, Iain Anderson headed for an early bath against Port Vale, Aidan Davison walked bare-chested to the dressing room after being dismissed against Brighton and Jason Crowe's stamp also saw him depart the field early. It's all there.
Finally - and I like to end on a positive note - there are some great Town goals. Phil Jevons had a habit of scoring most of them (away at Port Vale, two against Oldham in that 3-3 draw and four against Barnsley) but his most impressive strike was the one that was named goal of the season by the video crew itself. It came against Luton in that 3-2 win (remember Simon Ford heading the winner in front of the Pontoon in the last minute?) and it was his first strike of the evening - the other coming from the spot.
Interestingly, there's a spot the ball competition on the cover of the video box, which features Isaiah Rankin's winning header against Brentford in the penultimate match of the season. Curiously, the ball is nowhere to be seen. (Also look out for current Mariner Ronnie Bull.)
But if any of you are moaning about how pathetic Town are this season, then I would suggest you head for the club shop, buy Down... But STILL Not Out, and watch that before you reiterate your thoughts on the current campaign.