Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 24 April 2003

24 April 2003

A very late Diary today, as Cod Almighty has been down - a bit like the football team that is the subject of the site, though whether Town will follow our lead and get back up again is a moot point. Apologies from all of us at CA, anyway (although it's the bloody ISP that should be doing the apologising).

The news, then, and a Georges Santos interview in the Grimsby Telegraph demonstrates the media's ability to present a story to suggest just about whatever they want. BYE GEORGE? is the headline chosen by the boys at 80 Cleethorpe Road; but a reworking of the story on the Planet Football site is headed SANTOS HINTS AT GRIMSBY STAY. The interview even appears on Fox News in the USA, trailed with the words SANTOS SUPPORTS WAR; CALLS OWN PRESIDENT COWARD. The gist of it all, as you've probably guessed already, is that he might sign a new contract or he might not; but he hasn't been offered one yet. "I'm looking to play football," explains the player, helpfully.

And if the Telegraph's rabble-rousing intentions are hinted at by the spin of its headline, they are confirmed by the story itself, which begins: "Cult hero George Santos is set to lead the Grimsby Town exodus this summer after admitting he will keep his options open". Read back over that and see how the possibility that the player will leave ("will keep his options open") is made to sound like a near certainty ("is set to lead the...exodus"). Later in the report the Telegraph relapses overtly into the catchpenny shit-stirring that besmirched its name during the John Oster transfer saga in March, this time with the somewhat lame observation/instruction that "Town fans will be dismayed at the news that some of their top stars could leave". Any credibility the story may have retained is lost when, as the fate of other players is discussed, it expects us to believe there are clubs queueing up to sign Tony Gallimore.

Michael Boulding (who isn't out of contract for another year) will miss the last two games of the season because of the ankle problem with which he probably ought to have missed the last ten. The club's announcement that Boulding will sit out the formalities against Reading on Saturday and Brighton a week on Sunday is proof - if proof were needed after the Walsall match - that the nippy frontman has been carrying his injury through recent games, the rationale presumably being that a Boulding with only one leg is still faster than a fully fit Livingstone. You take care now, Mick.

As if writing about all 49 of Town's league and cup games this season were not enough, Cod Almighty's renowned match reporter Tony Butcher went to see the comeback of Steve Croudson for the Mariners' reserves at Lincoln yesterday and has shared his observations with the Diary. Paul Wilkinson's side ran out 2-1 winners with goals from Chris Thompson and Graham Hockless; and Wes Parker receives praise from the Man With The Sensible Hair. As for the returning custodian, "Croudson caught two crosses, made one excellent save, one decent save, missed one cross, dropped one cross and could do nothing about the Lincoln goal (a curling screamer into the top right corner)." But what about the stuff that really matters, Tony? "Sagare has fabtastic bulbous hair...and Heggarty has ginger hair...Groves wore a very subtle plum jumper which perfectly complimented Rodger's pale pink shirt. We shall conveniently ignore Groves' blue check shirt, which was a fashion mistake." Our man at the Bank adds: "I used the chairman's toilet too." The Diary will pass on your donations towards Tony's £30,000 fine.

Working on his Ray Wilkins impression, Tony remarks that Thompson's goal was "super". "Hockless," he continues, "scored a great goal from the edge of the box and just missed with a slicing free kick from 25 yards. Rowan played in centre midfield and was not very good." But there's more. "The really interesting stuff was in the stands. Coyne was beseiged by two six-year-old boys wearing Croudson shirts. Keith Alexander put a consoling arm around Groves when they met. Greg Young's dad told me his son used to be a left back and might be playing this weekend (he really perked up when his son was taken off after 66 minutes)." The Diary remains disturbed to note the absence of Billy Mehmet but was interested to see Chris Ward on the Lincoln team. Chris was my mate from Irthlingborough who showed me Nene Park all those years ago, and I always wondered what he ended up doing with his degree in food studies from Humberside Poly.

Finally, the Diary receives an email from Alistair Wilkinson - and in prose. "I believe it's for Neil Mann," writes the Cod Laureate, "the son of our former assistant. He who shouldn't have been let near a fork truck." I assume this is about the testimonial Town are playing in at Hull this summer, although judging by the last bit it could be that storyline from Holby City that we were looking for.