Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Sunday 11 May 2003
11 May 2003
After receiving literally three or four emails desperately imploring me to carry on writing at weekends over the close season, your soft-hearted Diary has caved in like the Town defence and got out of bed specially. Mrs Diary was less than satisfied with my explanation that my public needed me, but a fresh glass of pop served to assuage her wrath. We've got her mad twin sister staying this weekend, anyway, and doing this is as good a reason as any for me not to accompany them to Ikea.
In any case, a remarkable story has broken over the weekend - namely that Stephen Venney, the Town fan and Jarvis employee who greased the wheels of the club's new sponsorship deal with his firm, has been missing for over a week. Peter Furneaux has been perhaps indecently hasty to reassure all parties that the readies are not in jeopardy - "Nothing has impacted on the deal we've got," he insists - but I suppose people are bound to worry. Mr Venney has not been seen, says the Grimsby Telegraph, since leaving his office a week last Thursday for a press conference at Blundell Park, and was thought to have been suffering from stress. "We will be receiving the money on Monday by electronic transfer," adds Pete F, anxiously reaching for the nearest wooden surface. The Diary, for one, is reassured - as long as he doesn't go bonkers and blow it all on DVDs and Xbox games like a student whose loan has just come through.
"It has just been announced that Town are playing a pre-season friendly at Boston on Saturday, 19 July," writes a mid-Lincolnshire-based Town fan, inviting me and Mrs Diary over to go to the game, stay for the weekend and enjoy their sumptuous cuisine. Which sounds lovely, but I can't find any official mention of the match. Maybe it doesn't work on Netscape. Anyone know anything about it?
Staying in the county of conservatism and potatoes, a tremendous game at Sincil Bank yesterday saw Lincoln rack up a 5-3 advantage in the first leg of their third division play-off against Scunthorpe. Keith Alexander's achievement in transforming the Imps from destitute relegation fodder into play-off contenders - albeit just by lamping the ball really hard upfield the whole time and hoping it goes somewhere near the other team's goal - is recognised by the Grimsby Telegraph, which reports with no apparent irony that he "has stepped into the row between Premiership Manchester United and Arsenal by claiming that his third division promotion chasers Lincoln City are THE team of the season". And funnily enough, to round off a unique day of Lincolnshire-themed thrills, I saw a great band last night called Yellobelly.
The Diary feels justified in mentioning the latter following an email from Alistair Wilkinson suggesting a direction for this column to follow over the barren summer months. "How about the summertime antics of a rock and roll animal?" he proposes. "So many parties, so little time, I know, but maybe a weekend round-up of levels of vomit, the varying types of booze, any drugs (just say no, NO!)." Only last Sunday's Diary precludes me from stating that this all sounds more like Mat Hare's department; but saying that, the Diary did drink enough last night to think it'd be a really good idea to start a punk band called The Half Lives, play three gigs, and then split up. Actually, that is a really good idea. I'll let you know how it goes.
Al also offers a soberer alternative. "Or maybe a Saturday round-up of the week's rumours - encourage people to send in what they hear at work, in the pub, whatever or wherever. I often hear some pretty 'out there' stuff from my work. If I had a pound for every time I heard Crofty was coming back I'd have, erm, well, probably enough to get drunk on anyway." And it was all going so well. No matter! "If you're interested here's one to start you off. A woman at my work is friends with someone who claims to be getting increasingly 'friendly' with one Mr Santos. Anyway, apparently said garlic one has expressed his sympathy for a certain player who always turns up for training, works very hard, never shouts his mouth off and just generally can't understand his omission from the team. Neither can Mr Santos, I'm told - he is too prudent to name names but I think we can all have a stab about who he is referring to." Well, it would certainly provide some intrigue for those painful nights when I've missed Corrie.
"Dear Diary," begins another correspondent wittily, "You will no doubt be a little upset to learn that Billy Mehmet has signed a two-year deal with Dunfermline. I know you were a big fan of him - well, of his name at least. But fear not, for Southend have released the even better-named Barrington Belgrave. If there's a signable player out there with a better name than that, I challenge your readers to come up with it. Hey, perhaps we could have an entire XI of wonderfully named players who we could sign this summer...". You know the address, readers; well, if you don't, it's codalmightydiary@yahoo.co.uk.
"Hi Cod Almighty," writes Séan Carr. "Great site." Thank you! "Peter Handyside went on a Bosman to Bristol City. He had a knee injury and struggled to gain a regular place in an underperforming Division 2 team. Released by Bristol City he then went to Stoke where he has been average. Stop dredging up past players and managers and hoping they are going to perform like they did in 97/98. What we need is a clearout and give youth a chance. How else are Town going to create some serious revenue other than by selling new young players? Certainly not through the commercial dept. who couldn't even organise the sell out of BP against Brighton last week." Your general point may not be without validity, Séan, but the Diary's ceaseless pursuit of truth and moral rectitude compels me to point out that you are confusing real life either with Championship Manager - which, let's face it, so many of us do - or with Mark Lever, which would be rather more alarming. For Lever it was who went on a Bosman to Bristol City; Peter H went to Stoke, he went directly to Stoke, he did not pass Bristol, he probably did collect £200. And the Diary can exclusively reveal, fact fans, that after a spell with Mansfield, Lever is now working as a postman in Ilkeston.
Well, that's about all I can manage for now. I think I'll go back to bed. And sleep soundly in the knowledge of a job well done.