Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Tuesday 6 May 2003
6 May 2003
As part of a lengthy communiqué to Town fans, Peter Furneaux holds out a seductive promise of squad strengthening over the summer months. "We can assure you that the club will be actively pursuing new players - players who we are sure you will find of interest," says the GTFC chairman, lasciviously moistening his lips. The statement appears on Town's official site and also ranges over such diverse topics as fashion (the new kit is available for purchase), economics (we're buggered when wage capping comes in) and the nature of human suffering (we've just been relegated). "Let us remind ourselves that Grimsby Town is still the Premier Club in this area," urges Pete, effortlessly demonstrating the confusion that can result from the arbitrary use of capital letters.
The Mariners' upper-case centre-back Georges Santos is perhaps literally locked in contract talks with the club today, reports the Grimsby Telegraph, which only a few days ago was suggesting that the player's departure was as solid a certainty as bad Cliff Richard records at Christmas. "We'll speak to him and his representatives today and sit down and see if we can thrash something out," explains Paul 'Venus in Furs' Groves.
Great news for second division right wingers, meanwhile, as Groves confirms his intention to keep Tony Gallimore at Blundell Park. The wayward left-back, who for much of his Grimsby career has been to defending what Donald Rumsfeld is to world peace, joins Santos and John McDermott as Groves' top priorities for retention among the squad's many out-of-contract players. "Macca, George and Gally have proved they can cope in the first division and they would be very good players in the second division," the Town boss tells the Grimsby Telegraph. "It's important to keep them." Well, if Tone slings his hook, the Diary would gladly run away from a football for a grand a week.
Chester City's Daryl Clare has hit the headlines more effectively than he hit the ball in yesterday's Conference play-off match. The former Town striker - who made up half of the famously ineffective "Jeffrey and Bungle" strikeforce under Alan Buckley - missed City's first spot-kick as the team lost 4-3 to Donny Rovers on penalties. Clare was bidding to make it two promotions in two seasons after a prolific spell with Boston United helped the Pilgrims become Lincolnshire's fourth football league club 12 months ago.
Words of support for the Diary come from Pat Bell, who has emailed with some views on the raging controversy surrounding our take on Town's new sponsorship deal. "Just to say that your coverage of the Jarvis sponsorship typifies the reason why Cod Almighty has become my first port of call for finding out what's going on at Blundell Park," says Pat. Cool! "To paraphrase CLR James, 'What know they of the Mariners who only the Mariners know', and if there was ever any danger of me buying a replica shirt, that danger has lapsed for the next three years. If we must focus on how the sponsorship will affect matters on the pitch, do I understand that the away strip will be grey, and am I right in remembering that Man Utd blamed a catastrophic first half performance against Southampton a few years ago on players being unable to pick each other out because they were playing in a new, grey strip? (Not that our being able to pick each other out is likely to be much of a priority next season)."
Pat is right to draw attention to the grey away kit - designed in Jarvis's 'corporate colours', apparently - though whether the Grey Devils' non-performance at the Dell that day was truly attributable to their monochrome apparel remains debatable; you know what that Ferguson bloke's like. The complimentary correspondence continues: "The Diary usually tells me everything I need to know about what is going on, and knocks the wind out of attempts to blow up non-stories, and Cod Almighty doesn't take ten years to load its pages either." Cheers Pat - do you take cheques or will you be insisting on cash?