Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 11 July 2003

11 July 2003

The 1998 Auto Windscreens Shield and the 1982 Full Members Cup are joined on Town's illustrious list of club honours by the 2003 Copa Ibiza, thanks to the Iain Anderson goal that won the game against Sant Raphael last night. The former Preston winger netted direct from a free kick to hand the Mariners their second 1-0 victory in the friendly triangular workout, for which Alan Pouton was named player of the tournament. "The players were magnificent throughout," enthuses Graham Rodger, "and they have stuck to their task very well." Jonny Rowan and, inevitably, Michael Boulding have joined Phil Jevons, Stuart Campbell, Kirk Wheeler and Darren Mansaram on the pre-season injured list after the match; and some daft Grimsby sod ran on the pitch in the nuddy.

Last season's talisman of failure Jason Gavin has joined Bradford City, the bankrupt club whose continued first division status owes (pun intended) more than even Coventry's to the fallibility of match officials. Gavin's ill-fated loan spell with the Mariners last term was followed by a similarly inglorious stint with Huddersfield leading up to the Terriers' drop to Division Three; and the former Middlesbrough centre-half will doubtless be looking to make it a hat-trick of relegations with his new side after the Bantams beat off a late £30m bid from Chelsea to secure the player's services next season.

The European Cup used to be great and now it's the unspeakably boring Champions League. Fans of the teams playing a World Cup game in a stadium that holds 50,000 will be given just 5,000 tickets. And this week a shady Australian with spectacularly bad hair has been given two million quid of fans' money for making a few phone calls. Free-market capitalism has ruined football in oh so many ways, and the newest and one of the least expected is the outlawing of those Panini stickers that we used to swap at school. The addictively collectable little picture cards have been declared a breach of copyright by the Court of Appeal and schoolchildren up and down the land will now have to spend playtime shooting crack instead - another glorious victory for the visionaries of the FA and Premier League, who brought the case.

Clive Platt still doesn't know whether he's coming or going, and it's driving Stuart Rowson round the bend. The Grimsby Telegraph sports writer has been moved to pass comment on Town's week-long tug-of-transfer, and either Platt's indecision or the hot weather has pushed him over the edge. Recent signings, writes Stu, have left Town fans riding "a wave of optimism the likes of which always seem to pass Grimsby by like some sort of purpose-built dual carriageway". Notts County - GTFC's rivals for Platt's affections - are "deep in the depths", meanwhile; and clearly a man who has issues with his surroundings, the Sheffield Wednesday-supporting journo wonders: "Platt didn't want to live anywhere near Grimsby and it is unclear whether it was the abundance of pointless cycle lanes that put him off". Isn't it always the way, eh.

These frankly alarming symptoms all serve to remind the Diary what a privileged position I am in when it comes to silly season. Rather than allow myself to be driven mad a la Rowson, I can allow myself to wonder whether Town would be better served up front by Martin Platt than Clive, and eventually to fill the space in this column by compiling a novelty Coronation Street XI: