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Diary - Friday 8 August 2003

8 August 2003

If Laurens Ten Heuvel joins the Town squad at Humberside Airport for tomorrow's match at Plymouth then it will be as a loan player rather than a signed, sealed and delivered Mariner, as the deadline has now passed for the player to be acquired on a 'permanent' contract in time to feature at Home Park. Paul Groves now has until noon tomorrow to agree a loan deal with Sheffield United for the services of the Dutch frontman, but if nothing materialises then Jonny Rowan and Darren Mansaram will be vying for the opportunity to partner Michael Boulding up front.

BBC Humber today returns to the knotty issue of the 'parachute payments' that Town, Brighton and impoverished Sheffield Wednesday should have been due at the end of last season as Division One's lucky losers. GTFC chairman Peter Furneaux is blaming Portsmouth and Leicester for welching on the deal, which ought to have seen the three clubs ascending to the Premiership help out their less fortunate counterparts to the tune of £120,000 each. "It would be very unfortunate for clubs that have voted for this money to be paid now to renege on it," says Pete, doing his best to sound like a gangster running a protection racket. Let's not be hasty, though, Mr F; after all, those poor lambs in the Premier are only getting £1.5bn from their new TV deal.

Back to the south-west, then, and Plymouth manager Paul Sturrock has decided on his starting line-up but is giving nothing away. All the Diary can tell you is that winger Martin Phillips - once predicted by helium-voiced comedian Alan Ball to be England's first £10m footballer - is the only player ruled out of the Pilgrims' XI by injury. Sturrock has also done his homework on the Mariners, speaking warmly of his opponents' excellent pre-season. "We know what system they have been playing and we know some of the personnel," he tells today's Plymouth Evening Herald. "They have got some decent players and if they get a good start they could definitely be a force all year."

Groves, meanwhile, is badly in need of a thesaurus as he looks ahead to the new campaign. "I expect that the expectation will go up, hopefully that's a good thing that the expectation is there," he informs Town's official site. The Diary has very few qualms with the GTFC boss as far as matters on the pitch are concerned, but our Paul is clearly a man who thinks Roget is just a Brentford defender.

In a new Diary series for this season, your columnist has decided to start phoning the other club just before away matches in a bid to bring you the latest ticket information and find out whether they put the milk or the water in first when they make the tea. "Thank you for calling Plymouth Argyle," says the Home Park ticket office. "Your call is in a queue and will be answered shortly, but the wait could be up to 10 minutes." Just as tomorrow never comes, the delay ahead of me was still being reported a quarter of an hour later as "up to 10 minutes". Notably, the Pilgrims eschew the notion of hold music, preferring a Zen-like silence between the repetitions of the message. My meditative trance had just led me to ruminate on whether Argyle had thousands of fans in the queue anxious for a glimpse of Sturrock's new signings or are just too tight to employ more than one telephonist; but before I could decide, my call was taken at last and a pleasant-sounding lass informed me, after checking with a colleague, that we can pay on the gate and it will cost 17 quid. The Diary can also reveal that PAFC put the milk in first - all the more reason to hope Town give them a good stuffing.

With a bit of luck the Diary will revert as of tomorrow to Saturday evening updates for the new season. I hope the silly Sunday ones have kept you entertained all summer long. Up the bleedin' Mariners, and I'll see some of you soon.