Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 5 August 2003

5 August 2003

Hope you enjoyed the guest diarists; three cheers apiece for their sterling work in maintaining this column while I was variously camping in the Peak District, failing at a PowerPoint-presented pub quiz in Sheffield, emptying my mum's freezer and being quizzically glanced at by Paul Groves Himself after Town had beaten Middlesbrough. It was good to bump in to some of you as well, such as Emma C and Al Wilkinson at Boston, and a big shout goes out to Dan Humphrey, whose heroic efforts on the Mariners World laptop at the Boro game proved sadly all in vain. So much healthier do I appear after my brief experience of having a life, in fact, that the slavedrivers of Cod Almighty are considering the introduction of a weekly Guest Diarist Day; so if you're interested in writing a future Diary then please email us using the address on the left.

In the absence of further developments on the Ten Heuvel front, then - and shouldn't we have investigated his 'situation' with Sheffield United before we gave him two trial games, Paul? - today's top story is the Grimsby Telegraph's revelation that there's no way Stacy Coldicott's leg will stop being broken this side of September. The unsung midfield labourer suffered damage to said limb way back in Town's Division One days and had hoped to be back for this weekend's "big kick-off", but Groves explains: "The injury is healing. It's just taking longer than we first anticipated." With Alan Pouton permanently knackered, Stuart Campbell and Des Hamilton could be set to team up in central midfield for Saturday's trip to Plymouth.

The Mariners' new first-choice left-back Darren Barnard has set his sights on Wales' Euro 2004 squad, and let's not be churlish and hope he pulls the trigger on John Oster, eh? The former Barnsley man has been going the right way about things in pre-season, anyway, and his dreams of international glory will not be ceremoniously shattered by his call-up for the Welshies' qualifier against Serbia & Montenegro on Wednesday 20 August. Barn(e)y is joined in the latest squad by the aforementioned Sunderland winger and the footballphobic Mr Daniel Coyne, who, not content with being an unused sub for his country, recently moved to Premiership Leicester to complete his PhD in bench studies.

Coyne's one-time understudy Steve Croudson, meanwhile, will resume his career in professional football at the delightful York Street stadium after being handed a one-year contract by Boston. The Kitten turned out for the Pilgrims as they hosted the friendly against Town the other week and has now been snapped up as cover for their first-choice stopper Paul Bastock. Incidentally, Diary readers who find themselves alienated by the garish, ad-driven facade of most clubs' official sites are strongly encouraged to peruse Boston's modest offering. "Here is the latest news about the club," reads one page. "It is in date order with the latest news at the top." Bless!

In other news, tickets are now on sale for Town's opening home game with Port Vale, which if I were a few years older I would say takes place on Saturday week; fictitious former Mariners trialist Wayne Gill, rejected by Alan Buckley's Rochdale, is now hoping to join Conference Scarborough; and Ceefax predicts a shock for Sheffield Wednesday next season, relegation for Chesterfield and Barnsley, and a surprise challenge for the play-offs from the Mariners, despite their apparent belief that John McDermott left Grimsby over the summer. "On his holidays, perhaps?" suggests one waggish Diary reader.

Another email reaches these parts from Mark Wilson - not the Scunthorpe-born Middlesbrough midfielder who as a schoolboy sensationally snubbed a contract offer from GTFC in favour of a move to lower-league upstarts Manchester United, but the Diary reader who lives in Tring. In compliance with a recent request from the club to suggest accompanying music for the players' entrance onto the playing field, Mark's miscellaneous Mariners medley (with tongue firmly in cheek, he adds) runs thusly: "It's the End of the World As We Know It - REM; Bring on the Clowns - Barbara Streisand; Down, Down - Status Quo; Where Have All the Good Times Gone? - can't remember who that's by; Roll Over, Lay Down - Status Quo. And for the first couple of games of the season: Who Are You? - The Who." The artist that eludes Mark is The Kinks, who as dyed-in-the-wool Town fans also penned tributes to Alan Pouton (Act Nice and Gentle), John McDermott (A Well Respected Man), Clive Platt (Tired of Waiting For You), and even the road to Blundell Park itself (Dead End Street). Thanking you!