Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 1 August 2003

1 August 2003

According to the CIA it's best advised not to mention "45 minutes". What would they know, eh? Due to bad light it's as long as South Africa will get to twat England's bowlers about before lunch. And 45 minutes is also as long as I've got to tap out today's diary, so I'll make my excuses now. Hello, and welcome, dear reader, to Friday's diary. Your pilot today is Simon Wilson and we'll be cruising at approxiamtely two feet above ground level, thanks to the marvels of height-adjustable office chairs.

A quick shufty through the official site brings us news of Middlesbrough's Kevin George being invited back to the club. The centre-back spent two spells on trial at Blundell Park last season, which begs the question: will it be a case of Curious George for another trip to North East Lincolnshire?

And as a canny coincidence Middlesbrough are taking on Town this afternoon in a "closed doors friendly". Jason Crowe and Mike Edwards will get another run out, this time on the Blundell Park turf. Get used to the ghostly silence, lads. And there'll be ten a-Heuvels from the rest of the team for Laurens. Drumming up his best Glenn Hoddle impression, Paul Groves thinks Town signing the Dutchman is "a case of speaking to Sheffield United and finding out what the situation is there." I personally keep getting LTH mixed up with Danish director Lars von Trier. Anyway.

One player who won't be in Grimsby this afternoon is Clyde Wijnhard. "We are still trying to make inroads to actually get him over to play in a game." Inroads? Just get him heading east on the M62 and have the club's chief executive, Ian Fleming, intercept him at the Humber Bridge. Grabbing Chris Bolder before he went on holiday was simply a warm up for Mr Fleming, I presume.

The Diary would pour scorn over some of the sources we've quoted in his absence this week. Clearly his standards (and the cover price of his chosen newspaper) are higher than that of us cheap temps, brought in while he flounces around the country like the fairy he is. So, if you want substantiated rumours where better to go than the Fishy message board? "Erwin van Bertmeister from Club Brugge in Belgium arrived today for a 2 week trial" taps one contributor. Hell, we don't care if it's true or not - we didn't want to let that name go unnoticed. That's a lot of letters to fit onto the back of a shirt though.

Some of you - like me - might have found a letter from the club on your doormat yesterday reminding you that you haven't renewed your season ticket. I thought I had sent my renewal off ages ago but I emptied my bag last night to find my renewal letter and the payment of a speeding ticket. Er, whoops. Not to worry though, for you can still take advantage of the pre-season discount until the day before the new season starts. Yipee! And, as I munched through my Mat Hare/Graham Hockless/Marmite-laden toast I found that I could get a further 5% discount on my season ticket if I "did" the Gold Bond thing. Ah, what the hell! £4.32 a month - money t'club an'all that, as my mate Gobes uses as his justification for buying yet more Bradford Bulls merchandise. I did resist personalising my seat though. The temptation to write "Coco is a gimp" was too great.

Continuing the postal theme, I also had a card from the postie telling me that I had a recorded delivery that needed signing for. But I had to wait 48 hours before ringing to rearrange delivery. Which - due to the time on the card and opening hours at my local depot - would have meant Monday. So half an hour after (unfairly) muttering "Postman bloody Pap", the doorbell rings and - lo! - it's my postie who was just passing by and has my parcel with him. Crikey! Talk about service! Overjoyed and speechless. I signed for the parcel, direct from our friends at Grimsby Town Football Club. But what a hero my postie is. If you know of any postie awards, let me know.

And that seems to be that. I'm off to the pub to watch the test match and dream of the new season - a week tomorrow!

Today's diary was brought to you by two hours' sleep, three cups of tea and the letter U.