Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 29 September 2003
29 September 2003
The Grimsby Telegraph has backed down in its public row with GTFC and published an apology for the "inaccurate" article that sparked the controversy earlier this month. The paper's lead story on 5 September suggested that fans' and players' safety would be compromised by a money-saving decision to dispense with the ambulance that stands by at Blundell Park on match days - provoking a furious reaction from the club, which took the extraordinary step of banning the article's author Stuart Rowson from the ground. An energetic campaign by the Telegraph attempted to rally readers to its cause; but the paper has now acknowledged that the 5 September piece "did not properly reflect the true situation" and apologised to the club. Fun while it lasted, though, wasn't it.
Meanwhile, billions of Grimsby supporters across the globe were left utterly in the dark as to how their side had fared over the weekend as the Diary sensationally decided to have a night out in Sheffield after watching the Mariners have the better of a goalless draw at Hillsborough on Saturday. Cod Almighty switchboard operators were inundated with calls ranging from irate to despairing after the daily columnist managed to remove the electronic tag used by the website's editorial team to ensure that the Diary is uploaded regularly, and fans are only now learning details of the game, in which Des Hamilton returned for Town and Mike Edwards replaced the injured Simon Ford. Despite impressions to the contrary given by the BBC and in yesterday's tabloid press, it was indeed the Mariners who created more chances and who could have nicked all three points, notwithstanding another awful performance from Tony Crane. Soz 'n' that Tone, but you're gonna have to raise your game.
As one door closes, in the words of a popular character from BBC comedy past, another one slams in your face; and Saturday's Disco revival was partially overshadowed, like when the cup final's on the telly and the cameras have to keep adjusting for the light as the play switches in and out of the shadow cast by the stand, by an injury to Marcel Cas. Actually, they have that stupid closing roof thing now, don't they. The Dutch winger caused the Owls no end of trouble 'early doors' - forcing the earliest tactical substitution the Diary has ever heard of when the useless Jon Beswetherick was replaced after just 15 minutes - but was carried off after half an hour with a gashed knee. There is no word yet on whether Cas will return for tomorrow night's trip to Blackpool.
Observers of the bizarrely monickered FA Barclaycard Premiership - which the Diary finds mildly diverting as a spectacle but entirely invalid as a competition - may have been mildly diverted by the weekend appearance of Mr Daniel Coyne. Coyne came on after about an hour of Leicester's game with the entirely invalid Manchester United after England international Ian Walker picked up a back strain - about the only thing he did pick up, as the parachute payment-avoiding debt defaulters were already four goals down. Clearly inspired by the presence of a former Mariner in their ranks, Leicester rallied to end the match at a face-saving 4-1. Generic chain website FootyMad contextualises the story by stating: "Chairman Peter Furneaux made no secret of his wish to rid the club of Coyne's large wages and many feel the 'keeper was left with no choice but to leave." That'll be "no choice" as in "went around telling people there was no way he wanted to start this season in Division Two with Grimsby", then.
If you're a thrusting young executive - or even if you're not - then Town's latest auction could be just the thing for you. With the stock of former loan players' shirts finally exhausted, the club is offering supporters a chance to bid for a seat in one of them posh boxes that fans in the Lower Smiths turn round and gawp into to try and see the half-time scores on the telly. The impressive package on offer - for this weekend's clash with QPR - includes a "wine reception", tour of Blundell Park, three-course meal, meeting some players, complimentary programme, tea, coffee and quite possibly electrically heated loo seats. Ten places are available and bidding currently stands at just 56 quid.
And lastly today, Al Wilkinson and his tales of the Cat Revolutionaries Advocating Mariners Progression. After receiving more than one anguished plea from readers, the Diary has reluctantly opted to discontinue Al's series - despite an anonymous email bidding "2 tonne of smelly cod and 5 tonnes of steel slag" for the film rights and an observation from Mark Wilson: "Whilst I think that Al Wilkinson is a haddock short of a full kit, my own Tring-based moggy Buckley (who has appeared on these pages elsewhere) does seem a little fractious at the moment and sits on his favourite wall staring in a north-easterly direction. Meanwhile, my mum who is Waltham-based told me in passing that the cats who normally sh*t in her garden have not been seen of late." What're you saying, Mark? "Al may not be as mad as he seems."