Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Wednesday 24 September 2003
24 September 2003
No sooner had the Diary passed on the news that Simon Ford's hamstring injury could rule him out of this weekend's visit to Sheffield Wednesday than the player himself spoke up to try and rule himself back in. Cuh, I dunno...crazy. Yesterday's Grimsby Telegraph reported that the inconsistent young centre-half might not make Hillsborough but the famously laid-back player is just cool with it, according to Town's official site, where he is today quoted thusly: "I'm hoping to be OK. It's not torn, the hamstring - it's just strained. I've been having treatment and it doesn't feel too bad." The way he describes it, everyone will be wanting one.
Who remembers Steve Kabba? Neil Warnock clearly doesn't, because the man who caused so much excitement and even more grief at Blundell Park last season is yet to kick a ball in anger, calm or for that matter blank indifference for Sheffield United this season. Since he's got nothing better to do, anyway, young Steven has been nattering to the Grimmo Tello about what a good player his erstwhile teammate Iffy Onuora is. "Iffy needs some time to get his match fitness back and that's what he'll be trying to do," explains Kabba, which is more than Paul Groves has done. "He's an old head and he's experienced and I'm sure that will help Grimsby get up the table. And if he doesn't then, well, I seem to be available again. I dunno - I set the country alight with some great performances up front, playing a big part in taking us to the play-off final and FA Cup semi, and then get ignored when this donkey Lester comes in, just 'cos he's from round here. Where is the justice in that, I ask you." I might have made some of that up, by the way.
"What do you mean nothing going on at Blundell Park?" rages Al Wilkinson, the mad cat lady of Cod Almighty. Regular readers will recall Al's barmy ideas for an army of felines to establish Grimbarian global domination, whether they want to or not, and here he is again with his moggie madness. "CRAMP (Cat Revolutionaries Advocating Mariners Progression) is at a vital stage in their campaign, which is now full speed ahead thanks to the glorious victory at the Battle of Barton. A faction of the East Riding Canines (ERC) tried to steal across to the south bank, in an attempt to thwart CRAMP. An entire legion was sent to stop them; they fought bravely and repulsed the Yorkie mutts, pushing them into the river to wallow in the brown waters and their defeat. A few were allowed to escape to tell the tale to the rest of ERC. Unfortunately it is not all good news - Captain Tiddles was mortally wounded defending the A180. Single-handed he held up the ERC assault until reinforcements could arrive. His sacrifice was not in vain - CRAMP is now free to move the Mariners into position at the top of the footballing world." What do you think of that, then, readers?
A considerably more sensible email has arrived at the Diary from Window Flower, meanwhile, who has contacted me regarding his or her website windowflower.com. "Imagine," writes Window, "what can you do with a piece of ordinary paper?" Oooh, it's a long time since I've thought about it, to be honest. Give us a clue. "-skillful craftsman -legendary Orient -immortal paper art -purely handmade. All of these will strike you within 3 seconds!" Right. Well, thanks for that. Mind you, as spam goes, it makes a change from debt and willies; and there's a pretty picture of a butterfly too. Anyway.