Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 19 September 2003

19 September 2003

Hello. Mark Stilton here. I'm diarying today as The Official Diary^tm is off getting his motor seen to before travelling to Cleethorpes with a load of drunk Chesterfield fans. Wish him luck...

So, what exciting news is happening in the wonderful world of GTFC today then? The OS reports that Mansaram might be back today, but apparently he's been a bit "stop, start, stop, start". New batteries might sort that out, Paul. Jevons isn't quite fit enough or, presumably, on the correct contract yet so he can't play and Soames has also picked up a grazed knee or something. Bless. Des Hamilton is still injured. I think we can cut and paste that sentence in to every pre-match Diary this season...

Oooh...news just in. The Mariners have signed "experienced" midfield stopper/playmaker/dead ball expert (that's what it says here) Nicky Daws from Rotherham on a one month loan deal. Presumably to make up the numbers in our depleted team. The OS states that he'll go straight in to the team for tomorrows game.

I was going to visit the Telegraph's site for more team news, but there were over five thousand people on the site and I didn't see an ambulance anywhere. So I decided not to risk it.

Let's see what suprises the decimated Chesterfield squad hold for us this weekend, then. Alan O'Hare hurt his ankle and Folan's knee faces a late fitness test. This is in addition to their already lengthy injury list. We know the feeling. Anyway, for a more detailed analysis, take a look at the All New (as Sky would put it) slimline match preview.

On to the Refwatch then, kindly sent in by, er, me. The referee this weekend is Mr Graham Salisbury of Lancashire. And what did I have to say about him then? "Mr Salisbury has only been on the scene a few seasons. In fact, in his first season ('01-02) he only officiated at lower league games...and Rotherham v Grimsby. Or is that the same thing? That stands as the only time he has refereed a Town match, and he handed out only two yellow cards (both to Rotherham players). You may remember the match - Robert Taylor scored his only goal for the Mariners that night." Ah yes, I remember it well, but tell us Mark, what is his stattage? "This season, Mr Salisbury (or Gray, to his mates) has dished out 17 yellows and 1 red in 6 games. Around the same rate as his 113 yellows and 8 reds in 35 games last season." Am I expecting him to be any good then? "He appears quite lenient then - either that or he's another ref easily duped by more experienced players. So, we turn to the Butcher reports for clarification: 'A pedantic little irritant. He insisted that Town players take throw-ins and free kicks from exactly the right spot (even when it wasn't the right spot) and was cowardly in avoiding using the yellow card for Rotherham dives'. Oh dear." Oh dear indeed.

And that's it except for a quick nosey through the Diary's postbag. Credit card junk mail. Final reminder from British Gas. Hmm. Job interview for position of diary writer at Man Utd? Pfff...delusions of grandeur there, I think. Aha...letters, here we go.

Stu Morton complains: "There you go, you've done it again. 'Celerity'. In reference to Mansaram's movements. And of course, no link to a dico. So off go us thick 'eads with nothing better to do than to try find out what it means. But no, it must be linked to a similar word...such as...'hilarity'. Yes, celerity is an unintentional form of hilarity. Or how about a lower form of 'celebrity' (without the 'bits') - after all, he does play for the greatest team in the world. Honest. Could it have something to do with a stick of salady stuff, with stuck-up hair and the like? Not the last time I looked at his photo. So what can it mean...?" Beats me Stu. You'll find no such meretricious proprieties in my diaries.

Stu then goes on to give a full definition of the word, but this isn't the time or place, Stu. School. Before your O-levels. That was the time and place.

On to our next letter then, from CA's troubled troubadour Al Wilkinson. And what say you, Al? "I was going to complain about your comments suggesting the people of Grimsby do not deserve a decent centre half partnership." The flack I'm getting today because of the Diary - I'm gonna make him edit the letters page when we get a load of "you stink of fish" type letters. Sorry Al, go on. "Then yesterday at work I heard this comment: 'I'm glad Town have had these results, maybe it'll show the idiots who keep going what a waste of time it is'. Unfortunately you're right, we don't deserve anything. Can anyone suggest a place to move to, because comments like that increase the desire to get out." Simon Ford could suggest a few places in the nebulous wastes of space, I imagine.

And finally, CA's Si Wilson is doing a big run in the north somewhere. Called the 'Big North Run', or summat. Anyway, he's trying to raise money for Meningitis sufferers, so it's all in a very good cause. If you'd like to sponsor him, drop him an email. I'm sure he'll be very grateful.

So, that's me done. The Official Diary^tm may be back this weekend. I dunno. You tell me. Can I just take this opportunity to thank you for your time, and if you're stuck for something to do this afternoon, feel free to drop a letter in to our postbag. The letters Ed there is really, really nice. Tata.