Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 11 September 2003

11 September 2003

Whoever said the FA were a shambolic bunch of stuffed suits who couldn't organise a piss-up in Burton-on-Trent had better have a good long think, as the game's governing body has deftly scheduled Graham Rodger's disciplinary hearing for this Monday - just seven months after the incident took place for which he is being charged. Way back when Town were a first division club and Tony Blair a popular prime minister, the Mariners' assistant boss responded to a horrendous foul on Chris Thompson from Stoke's Wayne Thomas by getting a right benny on - conduct explicitly forbidden by the Football Association's guidelines on acceptable expressions of dissent ("coach or play for England and you can do what you like") - and Rodge is finally being hauled up next week. "I'm passionate about football and I'm a frustrated ex-player," he tells Town's official site, "but I'm not a lunatic." Wonder if Brian Laws ever got done for misconduct?

Barnsley's early-season progress suggests that the art of defending is much like that of police interrogation, if the success of their good defender/bad defender routine is anything to go by; and former Town duo Peter Handyside and Tony Gallimore are to be handed longer-term deals after presumably playing some part in their new side's bewildering rise to the top of Division Two. The players are among four at Oakwell who joined on short-term contracts but who have all now been rewarded with extended terms. Some would say the Mariners are currently in need of an experienced centre-half in Handyside's mould; but with former Tyke Darren Barnard having taken over Gallimore's left-back duties at Blundell Park, Town have clearly got the better of that part of the deal.

Big-hearted Diary readers continue to respond magnificently to our appeal for, well, anything to fill the space here until Town get that new striker, and James Booth of Toronto has another idea for a new line in Town's club shop. "Perhaps the club could feature players on boxes of food," he writes. "In the States (and Canada) they put sports stars on boxes of Wheaties cereal - the "Breakfast of Champions". Apparently after a quick search on Google it would seem they are very collectable. Who would have thought?" Who indeed. "If I had the time (or was witty enough) I would think of a clever combination of a particular food and a Town player with a slogan, but I don't and I'm not." Thanks James - neither am I, so I'm sure it'll help these emails keep coming in - codalmightydiary@yahoo.co.uk is the address, comrades.

Mark Wilson, meanwhile, emails from the rather less glamorous environs of Tring, Herts, to beg: "Please tell me what Al Wilkinson was on so that I can spend my weekend experimenting with it!" Al - if you're reading...? "I would really love the Town shop to sell Champions League shirts, and items commemorating us doing the double last season," adds Mark, who doesn't just sound high on life himself.

No relation is Si Wilson - at least I don't think so anyway - who has some thoughts to share on the dress/sobriety code at Grimsby's Walkabout Bar ("It also depends on how drunk somebody is when they go up to the door, and if their clothes are in good repair," says the manager, lest ye forget. "If you look scruffy, then you are not coming in my place.") Si observes: "Most people I know have to be totally shitfaced before they even contemplate going to a Walkabout." Which, it turns out, is just what Si was when he went to one the other week. "Actually, come to think about it," he adds, "we were all absolutely bladdered and wearing shorts (considered by many to be 'scruffy' clothing). Maybe standards are lower here in 'trendy' Leeds than in Grimsby. And isn't it amazing how dressing 'smart' costs less than dressing 'scruffy'." Valid points all.

Mark Stilton has a word or two to share on the same subject, and I hope his mum isn't reading. "The Walkabouts are supposed to be Aussie theme bars," he points out. "Well, I never dressed smart in any of the real Australian pubs I went into in fucking Aus-fucking-tralia." And I never thought I would get to use the word 'tmesis' in the Diary.

And finally, tickets for Hartlepool tomorrow night will set you back 15 quid. I know because I just looked on their website, and it opened the link in one of those completely pointless new windows in what seems to be the popular style on the web these days. I'm not going to phone them up this time because, as if for all the world Mrs Diary and I were puffins, our bills have been looking stupid recently. Have to get one of those BT Together things or whatever it is. How do they work? Anyway, if you want to find out how they make their tea then the phone number is 01429 272584 - if you do then let us know. Cheers. We'll do the team news and Markie's Refwatch tomorrow an'all.