Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 11 December 2003

11 December 2003

Only kidding! Marcel Cas did not, after all, figure in the starting line-up for yesterday's reserve match against Boston. If he had then perhaps Town's stiffs would not have succumbed to a 3-1 home defeat against the second string of a struggling third division side, but I guess we'll never know now. Darren Mansaram briefly hauled the Mariners level with a goal described by Town's official site as "brilliant", though a side that began with Paul Groves and Simon Ford among its number could not hold back the onslaught of the mighty Pilgrims reserves. Call me a cynic, but I tend to assume the worst of intentions and disbelieve what I am told.

The transfer window had better look out, because former Northern Ireland Secretary Sir Brian Mawhinney wants to hurl a rock through it. The window was imposed on England and Scotland in 2002 as part of FIFA's ongoing campaign to smoke a lot of dope and do the first thing that comes into its head, and since then the domestic transfer market has collapsed by 49 trillion hundred per cent. And unless the window is scrapped, the wealthy Arsenal fan who was appointed to look after the interests of the financially destitute Nationwide League is threatening to withdraw the league from the Professional Football Negotiating and Consultative Committee, the collective bargaining agreement that determines the terms and conditions of players' contracts! "We, for our part, are not content to play a submissive role in this matter," Sir Brian has declared, with a big dagger clenched between his teeth. I just can't imagine how he failed to sort the Irish thing out, can you?

The young and starstruck among you will be elevated into paroxysms of delight by the news that half a dozen Mariners will be in the club shop this evening for late night opening. The world's leading retail outlet for Grimsby Town FC merchandise is declining to lock its doors until eight o'clock, and consumers arriving between six and seven will be able to meet, chew the fat with and be autographed by any or all of John McDermott, Darren Barnard, Kirk Wheeler, Iain Ward, Jonny Rowan, Iain Anderson and Alan Pouton. And remember - a Pouton signature given during his current, popular non-playing period is sure to be more valuable in the long term than one signed when he returns to the first team and everyone remembers he can't pass a ball.

The Diary must apologise to Paul Ketchley for having appeared to ignore an email he sent. Paul mailed in response to Mel Thurby's remembrances of Mariners past but, for reasons unknown, Yahoo misdirected his post to my spam folder, where it lay unread and unloved for nigh on one week until being discovered five minutes ago. So, belatedly: "Mel isn't the only one who remembers Bob Crosbie banging them in (only I was in the Osmond stand in those pre-away fan days)," recalls Paul. "But he might spell the name right - Crosbie not Crosby was a bullet-headed Scot brought in by Allenby Chilton and fed crosses by Johnnie Scott. Let's not mention Jeff Whitefoot or I'll wax lyrical about the good old days." Thanks for that, mate, and like I say, I've no idea why the spam filter caught it. Paul continues: "Get a FREE Debt Analysis with No Commitment Required! We Can Help Press Here By directly negotiating with the IRS and State authorities we can settle your debts for far less than what you currently owe!"