Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 5 December 2003

5 December 2003

A big happy birthday to Diary reader, lifelong Town fan and nice fella Mr Craig Oman! Craig isn't allowed on the internet at work but his lovely girlfriend Charlotte prints out the Diary for him every day, so hey, you kids have yourselves some fun!

Well, yesterday's injury scare was all a bit of fuss about nothing, or so BBC Humber would have us believe. The Hull-based public service news source reports today that Marcel Cas and Iffy Onuora have shrugged off their knee problems, if that's anatomically feasible, and are back in contention for tomorrow's FA Cup tie at Peterborough. And a Diary gold star for BBC Humber this afternoon, as the two sentences it devotes to the story are both syntactically flawless. Well done! Carry on like that and I'll think about buying a TV licence.

The situation is less happy down at that London Road, where the splendidly named on-loan Fulham winger Callum Willock, who has scored twice for the Posh so far, will miss out with a spooned hamstring sash; but Cod Almighty gurn star Mark Tyler will reclaim the keeper's jersey from former Ipswich stopper James Pullen, who was linked with Town in the summer despite being made to look silly by Paul Groves at Portman Road last season. As in Groves scored by striking the ball into the goal between Pullen's legs or something, not as in Groves tricked Pullen into wearing deelyboppers and a lavender tutu.

Barry Fry is hopping mad, meanwhile, about the game's early kick-off. Cambridgeshire police have brought the match forward to 2pm, and the jocular, foul-mouthed Peterborough boss is in need of some stress management training. "All the police have to go to Huntingdon 20 miles away," explains Bazza. "It's not the first time it's happened and I complained bitterly." The Diary believes Fry has misinterpreted tomorrow's protest at the headquarters of local vivisectionists Huntingdon Life Sciences as a group of militant vegetarians attempting to force the closure of his favourite meat pie shop.

Al Wilkinson has emailed the Diary with what sounds like the final word on the Lennie Lawrence revisionism controversy. "There's a simple answer to the argument," he boldly asserts. "An overpaid, over-rated Chinaman was used ahead of a fit reincarnated Hansen, who then understandably saw his arse and buggered off. Lennie let Handyside go, nuff said."

And lastly today, a further point from John Arrand with which we didn't have the space and time to deal yesterday. "Last week I think you stated that the last time we played Tranmere at BP Clare and Jeffrey were subbed at half time," he says, "but I don't believe you." Gasp! Well, you're quite right, John - in thinking I stated that but not in refusing to credit it, cos I remember the gloomy mood that descended when Jason Koumas gave the almost-Scousers the lead as clearly as the excitement that replaced it when Livvo and Luke Cornwall came out for the second half; and the estimable Soccerbase.com backs me up. This is, I believe, my cue to adopt insufferable smugness and John's to then produce a killer piece of contrary evidence that makes me look very stupid indeed.