Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 24 March 2004

24 March 2004

Law hoping to sign Ranking, reports Town's official website breathlessly, raising hopes that Ranking is a striker and could play alongside Rankin, cos that'd be quite funny, wouldn't it, eh, and Law already said a week ago that he wants to keep Rankin, so it can't just be a typo, can it... oh. Well, there's no harm in driving the point home, is there, unless we're talking dirty hypodermics.

Today's other startling news is that the reserves are at home to Notts County this afternoon, kicking off at two o'clock and giving Nicky Law a chance to wonder why he just signed two wingers when young Mr Hockless is not only straining at the leash but also plays like he gives a shit: a rare characteristic indeed at Blundell Park this season. The Mariners' official site promises to give you the teams in a bit, but the Diary has to pop down the shops for some washing-up liquid, eggs, milk and black pepper so you might have to check that out for yourself. I'm sure you'll cope.

I am happy to report, by the by, that my aloo saag paneer last night appeared entirely free from unnatural colouration, and from Indian food we proceed to another of the Diary's great pleasures in life: the pain and misery of Brian Laws. The man who messed up the Mariners in the mid-nineties finally appears to be under some serious pressure at Scunny after his charges slumped to their fourth consecutive defeat last night - at home to the Football League's bottom club Carlisle. Barely 2,000 fans saw the excellent Paul Groves create the Iron's first goal from a first-half free kick but even his presence now appears insufficient to lift Laws' side out of their depressed form. "I'm devastated we haven't anything to show," says the former Town manager, whose tenure at Scunny has this week, incredibly, reached the seven-year mark. Residents close to the Glanford Park area are reporting the sound of compulsive scratching from the boardroom.

Peace appears to have broken out between Guest Diary and Dave Otter of Town's supporters' trust, who has very sportingly signed up to the T-shirt/membership treaty proposed by GD yesterday. "Fine, send me the dosh (minus £6.50), a completed membership form and a fat bastard sized T-shirt and I'll send you a membership certificate," writes Dave. I'm not quite sure whether the despatch team will release the goods before the accounts department receives six fifty for them from Guest, but they might be able to make an exception in this case. Anyway, the Diary had best be off; after I've nipped down the Spar I'm due at a summit in Damascus to broker a settlement for the Middle East.