Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Tuesday 16 March 2004
16 March 2004
The chances of Town taking anything from tomorrow night's trip to Swindon look roughly on a par with the probability of Nicky Law turning up with a mohican after Stacy Coldicott apparently "felt his groin" during last Saturday's fortunate draw with Bournemouth. And to think there were two free children watching with every responsible adult. Take a deep breath, Mariners kids, because Des Hamilton will probably take the place of Pacy Stace at the County Ground, and do whatever it is he's supposed to do in central midfield. Town's official site says injury victims Iain Anderson, Jason Crowe and John McDermott are all on the mend, but Wednesday just isn't the time. The home side's main concern is over influential midfielder Sammy Igoe, who somebody twatted last weekend - during the Robins' 2-1 defeat at Plymouth, I hasten to add, not in a nightclub or something disreputable like that.
Which reminds me: what is all this stuff about 'binge drinking' in the media this week? Four pints constitute a 'binge', according to that simpering wuss Natasha Kaplinsky on the BBC's breakfast news thing. Pah. If the Government are so worried about how pissed we're all getting, then perhaps they ought to stop sucking up to the Man and do something about the ever-lengthening UK working week instead of banning happy hours. And you know what's happening? Respectable drinkers such as myself, who know how to drink and can hold their ale - aye, drinking not for 'escape' but whose lives are even broadened and truly enhanced by the complex and manifold joys of the glass - are going to get lumped in with all these lagered-up shirty rapists who roam the nights redeyed and antisocial in self-loathing swarms. Speak up now, proud swillers of your pints, lest we get like sad puritan America where a gulp instead of a sip of what passes for beer is deemed 'inappropriate' by murmuring worried-eyed peers!
If you know how to drink, then drinking can help you have great ideas, and not all of these involve karate-kicking the jukebox or weeing in the middle of a dual carriageway. One such top notion, conceived while under the influence, is that of the Cod Almighty T-shirts whose sales have secured the continued existence of this very website. After a column inch or two in the Sports Telegraph last weekend, these ace fashion items are to be the subject of a feature on Radio Humberside's breakfast show tomorrow morning, and so readers in the local area can tune to 95.9 megahertz at around ten past eight if they wish to hear the CA contributor who designed the things regale listeners with witty anecdotes or, more likely, indulge in a great deal of shameless self-promotion. Cod Almighty's push for global domination, then, continues apace.
So, yeah, not much else going on, unless you count the latest exciting instalment of the GTFC plates auction, which I don't. What better time, then, for an email to the Diary from Miles Moss, who writes: "You can tell Pauul Warhurst is a time-served footballer. Just look at the international quality of his use of the special footballers' not-quite-present tense: 'I have just stretched, trying to turn it round the post and unfortunately it has gone in the net.' Town's young tense-manglers can learn a lot from this man for future interviews." Indeed, Miles; he's signed for the Mariners, he's played his first game, he's come up to the microphone post-match, he's selected the verb form, and it's just sounded right.