Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Friday 2 April 2004
2 April 2004
Grimsby Town, the club that has signed more players than Chelsea this season, preoccupies your Guest Diarist's thoughts this morning. Mr Law's continuating feeble impersonation of the Chelsea 'tinker man' is particularly depressing. With over a tonne of pretty rancid centre-half, about seventeen legs of midfield (counting Lawrence as seven of those), and a pair of daft daddy long-leg strikers available, it must be difficult for Law to know where to start. Simon Wilson will bring you another one of his fine match previews later, but personally, I would pick the subs first, as Town are bound to suffer a dismissal before half time in an important relegation derby such as this one against Sheffield Wednesday. Much better to plan the resulting defensive reshuffle ahead of time; don't you agree?
Given that the 'resurgent' Owls have reportedly started to play some decent football down the right-hand side, and Town's paucity of choice in the left-back position (as I predicted in last Friday's diary), the Town fans need to practice their rendition of 'Always Look on the Bright Side of Life' at the earliest opportunity. Following that maxim though, for the briefest of moments, it will be nice to see the home return of Rankin, whom your diarist rates as the most decent front man to play for Town this season. History is against him scoring, of course, as these games are almost invariably described afterwards as 0-0 stalemates. Somehow, I think the estimated 6-7,000 crowd will be seeing goals tomorrow, though. Don't you reckon?
Hurray! My inbox reveals the return of the Refwatch report - the first one in oooh, ages. It's quite long, so if your attention threshold is short the précis is: "The one who sent Pouton off against the Blades last season." Here's the full thing:
This weekend's derby (if you can call the game a derby when the opponents will travel about 71 miles to get to Blundell Park) will be officiated by Mr Paul Dowd, one of Stoke-in-Trent's two referees. So far this season the Premiership-listed ref has dished out 93 yellows and 4 reds in 24 games. To break that down a bit more, that's 3.875 bookings per game. That figure is higher for Mr Dowd's six Football League games with nearly a third of his bookings dished out in those games. Tony Crane will have to be more careful than usual.
Coincidentally, the last time Mr Dowd was in charge of a game involving the Mariners it was against today's opponents. The game? The 0-0 snore-a-thon at Hillsborough last April that more or less consigned both teams to second division footie. Dowd also took charge of last season's home game against Sheffield's other (and proper) team, with Alan Pouton getting his marching orders for a debatable challenge on Rob Kuzluk in the 4-1 reverse. During the five years Town have been under this official's watchful eye they haven't won a game, losing six times and drawing three matches. Draw your own conclusions from that.
My breath is also well and truly bated as I await the outcome of my application to join the Grimsby Town Supporters Trust, thus honouring my pledge to make amends for being allegedly rude about that GTST bloke's waistline when he was on the telly. I urge you all to support the GTST Race Night in the Imp following tomorrow's game, which aims to raise even more cash for the Mariners. As for the Trust membership itself, it costs £15 a year for a fully grown man like me. A portion of that goes to buy shares in the club. I'm not sure if that's a fiver, or a tenner; confusingly, both figures are mentioned during the application process. I hope it's the latter as Town need every penny they can get.
Segueing neatly in to my next topic, Town director and Market Rasen-based racehorse trainer Michael Chapman has penned a natty guide to the Grand National for the official site. It's not half as good as our one though. And completing my mad, racing/betting-themed medley, the Mariners betting site shows the remarkably juicy odds of 13/8 against the Owls beating Town. Town are ludicrously short at 11/8, with 12/5 the draw. Dip your bread in, betting readers, and make a total day of it, why don't you? The club is enticing fans through the turnstiles 'early doors' with the promise of free pie and peas and the chance to have a gleg at the first of the FA Cup semi-finals. Be there before 12:30, and 'there' is the teutonically named Bier Kellar in the Lower Smiths.
Avid Look North viewers like myself can hardly wait for tonight's edition, which is rumoured to be featuring the very large and very expensive flag that is the latest wheeze to cover the empty seats in Blundell Park. Just so worth staying in for. And don't use that "I don't live in the right region" excuse - just twiddle that digital thingy, and everyone can get it. Apparently Sky viewers worldwide have rated Peter Levy et al as the best new cult comedy programme of the year. They use words like 'zany' and 'bonkers!' Their exclamation mark, not mine. See yer...