Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 2 August 2004

2 August 2004

It was cool when just the Brazilians did it, and Morrissey, but when Louise (Nurding) and the Portuguese jumped on the bandwagon it lost a lot of the magic. These days everyone and his dog Spot is deciding that they are just too damn cool to bear the encumbrance of having both a surname and a forename, and this includes a Nigerian who calls himself Sammi, and who also happens to be on trial with Grimsby Town Football Club. Samual Umerah, as the Mariners' official site more properly names him, appears to be marketing himself not so much as "big, strong, fast striker Russell Slade has been looking for all his life" as "great mate of Jay-Jay Okocha."

That said, although I've read every day for the past week that Slade is "set to decide on the future" of Abdou Tangara (whose casually xenophobic Grimsby-given nickname Abdul just doesn't have the same stylish cosmopolitan ring, somehow), Town's vacancy for a target man job remains unfilled; and the Diary's reports from Bolton, where Umerah recently failed another trial, characterise him as a suitably 'Steve Livingstone on steroids' sort of figure whose key contribution to a recent reserve game was to knock an opposing centre-half unconscious. Note: Dave Challinor plays for Bury now.

Another contender for the job could be "a big Bermudan striker", apparently, and Slade's reluctance to give any more detail than that has not dissuaded Town's official website from running a picture of Shaun Goater with the caption "could it be him?" Er, isn't it your job to tell us that?

Assuming that international clearance can be secured from the UN Security Council this afternoon, Not Shaun Goater will make the trip to Halifax tonight for the Mariners' last friendly before their season begins at Darlington on Saturday. Ahead of the game, the position of Michael Reddy is again causing a difference of opinion on the 10/1 shot, Geoffrey, with the Grimbly Telegraphic Corporation omitting his name from the squad it says will travel west, and the club's official website insisting that Reddy will turn out at the Shay. Ah, you're thinking, but the OS said Tangara wouldn't play against Willem last Monday. True, but it has a quote from Noddy Russell about Reddy, to wit: "He's naturally a fit lad and hopefully he will come through thirty minutes or so tonight." We shall see...

A quick look back to Friday, and a story missed by Si Wilson when he got back from the pub to rattle off a five-minute guest Diary: namely, that Town's playing squad now have a third book to place on their shelves next to Gazza's autobiog and Bravo Two Zero. The volume in question, reported the Telegraph, is a "players' handbook... which details club rules and fines as well as fitness and nutritional advice" and appears to be the brainchild of new chairman Coca-Cola Fenty. Players will be hit with strict financial penalties for not wearing ties, while biting their nails and not doing their homework will presumably be punishable by detention. "Work ethic work ethic work ethic," Fenty said, or something like that. The Diary tends to switch off when people talk in that way.

Darren Barnard, who couldn't possibly play fourth division football with Grimsby, is now having a trial with a view to, er, playing fourth division football with Mansfield. The chameleonic Welsh international wing-back, whose form alters according to his surroundings, was also reported by Radio Humberside this morning to be having a trial with a view to playing Scottish Premier League football with Kilmarnock, who must therefore have changed their minds since Dar-Bar had a trial with them and failed it the week before last.

Oh, and Jonathan Rowan is doing quite well in his trial at York. With Town being in the bottom division these days, the club is no longer able to offload its dead wood to Scunny, Lincoln and Boston, but the Minstermen have filled the breach admirably and Rowan looks set to become the fifth former Mariner at Bootham Crescent. If Steve Croudson isn't holding his breath on YCFC needing back-up for Paul Crichton then Rhys Wilmot surely will be.