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Diary - Thursday 30 September 2004

30 September 2004

If he wants a new contract then Colin Crambo will have to deliver a few more high-explosive goals to blow away the communist defenders and rescue Grimsby's imprisoned GIs from fourth division Vietnam. That's what Russell Slade would be saying had he a worrying penchant for basing analogies on bad 80s films starring Sylvester Stallone, as the GTFC boss has "denied reports" that he is already discussing a longer-term deal with the former Hamilton Academicals, Southampton, Falkirk, Hearts, Doncaster, Bristol City, Walsall, Crewe, Notts County, Bury, Fortuna Sittard and Shrewsbury Town striker. The Diary doesn't recall seeing any such reports, so I'm not entirely convinced that Noddy really needed to deny them, being the 100 per cent average Town fan Joe that I am; but perhaps this is further evidence for the emergence of a new, v2.0, no-more-Mr-Nice-Groves form of Mr Russell, and if he starts sounding off about Cramb having a little mind or a tiny anything else then we shall know for certain.

One manager who is hoping to extend the terms of a recently-arrived striker is Halifax's Chris Wilder, who is dead chuffed with the way our Flash has been performing on loan at the Shay. Darren 'Not Half As Bad As Some People Make Out, Actually' Mansaram has scored two and made a few in his three and a bit weeks in West Yorkshire, and it is Wilder's fond wish that Mr Russell can be persuaded to allow the strapping young frontman to stick around a while longer. "I think I started off well and the games have certainly helped me get fitter and stronger," Dazman tells the Halifax Courier. "I cannot remember the last time I started three games in a row." Well, Daz, it was against Darlington, Boston and Bury last month; so if the FA announces tomorrow that a Halifax Town player has tested positive for cannabis then we'll just nod to ourselves.

Grrr! I'm working-class! That means I have to find somebody else working-class and have a fight! If I don't then I must be GAY! Or FRENCH! But if I'm not careful I'll get meself arrested, because Humberside Police have done a big dawn crackdown raid swoop operation and nicked a load of people for slapping each other in Scunthorpe, and some of them are from Grimsby. It was the lead item on the website of the Grimsby Telegraphic Corporation about half an hour ago, honest. I'm not interested enough to find it now though, so you'll just have to take my word. I'm getting a bit peckish as well. A nice big cheese and coleslaw bap should do the trick.

On which anticlimactic nutritional note I shall bid you farewell for the week and leave you with this link to an entertaining alternative version of the Diary. Cheerio!