Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Wednesday 22 September 2004

22 September 2004

Five thousand, seven hundred and thirty-five my arse! Still, we need the money more than Charlton do, eh.

There's an ancient proverb in the Diary's neck of the woods, which says: "You don't travel all the way to Amsterdam and not get stoned out of your mind on powerful Morrocan hemp". This does not signify, of course, that our neighbourhood is not a place of the utmost sobriety and respect for the laws of the land; it simply means there's no point making a long journey and then not doing whatever it is you are meant to do when you reach your destination. Recent overseas trialists at Grimsby Town Football Club do not seem to share this philosophy, however, as many of them have travelled from distant continents to Blundell Park and then not got to play in reserve games. Yesterday it seemed that Dutch striker Sergio Ommel was set to defy this dismal trend, as the club's official site boldly announced that he "will play for Grimsby Town Reserves against Hartlepool tomorrow", but now that the day of the match is here the OS has downgraded the prospect of his participation, mumbling only that Ommel "is likely to play". Tune in at the same time tomorrow for episode 3, 'Sergio Who?'

It really was not "a shockingly cold night by the North Sea", now, was it?

As if moving it to a Friday night for no bastard reason whatsoever wasn't annoying enough, Town's next home game has been designated another 'two kids get in free' match, probably because absolutely no bugger is going to be prepared to make the journey up from Cheltenham on an evening, and most people have better things to do on a Friday night, even in Grimsby, and they want to artificially boost the attendance figure in order to compensate. And while I'm in the mood, let's all laugh at how the Grimsby Telegraph website presents the news. The two free kids offer lifted the gate at last weekend's game against Leyton Orient above the 5,000 mark - an impressive turn-out given the big cup game just four days later and the away support being estimated at around twelve - and club officials will be hoping that a similar response on Friday week will cover up their exasperating, straw-brained ineptitude.

Most clergy families seem to be rife with one form of personality disorder or another, and when he's not shouting abuse at the Diary in the Pontoon, there's nothing Michael Shelton seems to like more than sending me pleasant emails. Pleasant, that is, if we omit the Terrell Forbes joke; so let's stick with the Australian trialist joke. "All these years of being a Town supporter are having a more profound psychological effect on me than I had realised," writes Michael. "Reading about the impending signing of Shane Centrebackwhonever getsinjuredorcuptied my initial reaction was: 'Oh well, the bastard will just get suspended.'"