Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 16 September 2004

16 September 2004

Centuries from now, when the Diary is nothing more than cosmic dust, our children's children's children will arrive at the Rutland Arms on matchdays via their matter transporters and speak in hushed and reverential tones of the great Nick Heggarty and Clint Marcelle, who have written themselves into Mariners folklore by scoring in the reserves' unforgettable 2-1 triumph over Huddersfield yesterday afternoon. Graham Hockless played but didn't score, just this once, and there was somebody called Rock on the bench. This is where I refrain from contriving a lame-ass pun about the defence needing some solidity or something.

This, on the other hand, is where I can't resist a slick daytime TV-style link to the next item in today's Diary, which is that Terrell Forbes will be hoping to provide some of that solidity in Town's defence this Saturday. O yes. For the Mariners' new signing is expected to be plunged straight into a scalding bath of acid when Leyton Orient visit Blundell Park at the weekend. Hang on, that can't be right. Plunged straight into first-team action. That's better. Although with 36 of Town's first-choice central defenders injured and loaned-out-to-Conference-North-Barrow Kirk Wheeler obviously not being considered good enough, we were all kind of expecting it anyway.

Ask any professional opinion pollster about web polls and they will tell you that they are notoriously unrepresentative of public opinion. Not that this has deterred the website of the clearly pro-hunting Grimsby Telegraph from leading for most of this morning with an utterly worthless story about its own web poll finding "only a slim majority in favour of the proposed ban". And what's the top story now? "Members of the Brocklesby hunt today showed the ultimate act of defiance by riding out with the hounds for a chase." And this from the newspaper that is usually so horrified about crime. Still, I'm sure the Brocklesby hunt is the top subject of debate on Weelsby Street this morning.

Whoops, sorry - getting off the topic of football there. Better return to the beautiful game pronto, or you'll never visit Cod Almighty again! Peter Hopgood has emailed the Diary on the subject of Town's Australian trialist John Tambourine. "Is this a wind-up?" he writes. "Who's next? Tommy Trumpet?" Well, Peter, it sort of is a wind-up, really, albeit not a particularly witty or sophisticated one, since the guy is actually called Tambouras; although from the nation that produced Danny Invincible nothing would be altogether surprising.

Finally today, our old friend Dick of Legbourne has forwarded an email from a Charlton-supporting mate in London which bemoans the fact that the Addicks "have only been allocated 2,200 seats" (my italics again!) for next week's League Cup visit to... er... ooh, Grimsby! "Looks like the red and white army might be bringing a few," explains Dick. "I have also ordered TWO Super Clive T-shirts and will be forwarding one of them to the Valley via my friend who has been commanded to model it with pride; he may even wear it when they come to BP - so don't be surprised if you see the odd fleck of yellow in the Osmond stand that night. You may even get a few orders from darn sarf too?!" They're pouring in, apparently, mate, and the Diary has even heard a whisper that Sir Clive Himself may be wrapping his legendary torso in one. Smoky Beckham would charge a fortune for product endorsement like that...