Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Tuesday 16 November 2004
16 November 2004
That Hitler bloke, right - well, all you ever hear about him is the negative side, isn't it? You know - all that stuff about how he turned the persecution of ethnic, religious and other minorities into an evil ideology that persists to this day and ordered the imprisonment, torture and slaughter of millions of people all over Europe. Nobody ever seems to mention what a smartly turned out individual he was. That hair, that uniform - immaculate.
The reason I mention this is that, while Adolf would presumably be welcomed at McMenemy's with open arms, the Diary has been sensationally barred from Town's new "quality restaurant and bar facility" on the grounds that "No jeans or trainers are allowed". So says an item on Town's official website about the club's youth side playing in the next round of the FA Youth Cup against Bury this Wednesday, for which the Upper Stones will be open instead of the Main Stand. Quickly alert to the possibility of bagging a few quid, the club has realised that the players' mums and dads will be turning out in force, tarted up to the nines, and more than likely in the mood for larging it in McMenememenemy's. Suppose it'll all help to pay for another year of Graham Hockless doing nothing, but if the Diary's money isn't good enough then it looks like I'll have to take the entire Cod Almighty team to Steel's for my birthday now and spend hundreds of pounds there instead.
With a thousand and one "loyal" and "disgusted" Town "fans" using the Grimsby Telegraph to express their frustrations at the team's current unedifying plight, the Diary can barely stand to glance at the local rag today. It is amusing to note there, nonetheless, that the reason the Mariners' second gate-naming auction thing in as many seasons has been extended is that the leading bid was discovered to have been made by a waggish Scunthorpe United fan who proposed to rename Blundell Park's side-of-the-Findus exit "The Scunthorpe 2 Grimsby 0 Gate". It is also mildly diverting to observe that BBC Humber has renicknamed our neighbours "the Irons", and yet more entertaining to reflect upon the fact that the ferrous ones have still beaten GTFC only 12 times down the years, as against 22 victories for Lincolnshire's senior League club. Well, if the straws are there then you can't stop me clutching.
Not content with hauling the idle sods out of bed on a Sunday to make them run up and down Cleethorpes beach avoiding dog droppings, Russell Slade has been further attempting to sort it by giving his players double training, today's Telegraph also reports. "The training has been hard going the last couple of days with afternoon sessions following on from the morning," elaborates our leader, "but that's what it will be like until they get their act together." With Darren Mansaram's back still giving him gyp, Sort It is also looking at bringing in a fourth loan striker of the season for this Saturday's six-pointer against Kidderminster. The Diary's money is on the tricky young centre-forward Lucy Ashford of Allerton Primary School year sevens.
"Oh Astley in the noose/He hasn't got a use". That was The Wonder Stuff's succinct appraisal of their chart contemporary Mr Rick Astley, but Diary reader Dave the Engineer may be about to prove them wrong. "Now is the time for all Mariner fans to go out and buy Rick's album," he writes, in an email. "Infuriated, humiliated and ashamed we might be, but just like Rick, we're 'never gonna give you up'. Bring on the Hillman Imp and get in touch with UB40, Slade is showing were all crazee now." Yes, Dave, but at the moment the good times seem far far away, and the team need to cum on feel the noize of the Pontoo... oh, I can't be bothered.