Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Tuesday 21 December 2004

21 December 2004

The media of northern Lincolnshire have imposed a moratorium on the use of the word 'unnamed' after Grimsby Town FC team manager Russell Slade this morning sensationally revealed the identity of a footballer he wishes to sign. Sports writers from Cleethorpes to Caistor have pledged to refrain from referring to unnamed players who might be joining the Mariners on loan from unnamed clubs in unnamed divisions, pending discussions between Slade and unnamed managers, following the Town boss's shock decision to place his cards on the table regarding his latest transfer target. "We'll have to come up with a whole new page template," lamented a spokesman for the club's official website, as Slade chuckled: "Their thesauruses will need an improved work ethic!"

What's that? Oh. Yeah. Martin Gritton. Torquay. No, me neither.

GTFC directors emerged from yesterday's AGM/EGM combo with, for what must be the first time in decades, no resignations or people getting voted off the board or massive upheaval of any kind. The key points of interest for supporters are that supporters are a bunch of perverse buggers, as gate receipts this season - the Mariners' first in the bottom division for about 15 years - are 35 per cent above the figure budgeted for by the club, and that we could be only weeks away from an announcement about Fenty's Folly, aka Town's proposed new stadium. Word reaches the Diary that the announcement will reveal carefully guarded and startling new information about the date of the next announcement after that.

In far more important news, GTFC bosses could be set to halt the sale of small foam balls which attach to car radio aerials, reports the Grimsby Telegraph, after some were thrown onto the pitch during Friday night's lousy stinking 1-1 draw with Oxford. And there we were thinking the only aerial balls people objected to at Blundell Park were the ones Justin Whittle and Terrell Forbes hoof up towards Andy Parkinson.

I thank you.

On the subject of Friday night's lousy stinking 1-1 draw with Oxford, Cod Almighty's resident tipster Mat Hare has belatedly emailed with an attempt to calculate how much Guest Diary and I could have won with our correct joint prediction of the result and the Us' goalscorer. I can't possibly run Mat's email in its entirety, as Fenty's Folly would be built by the time we'd reach the end, but it begins: "I saw your plea last night for someone to work out the odds on the game being 1-1 with Mooney scoring. I was going to set about working out the odds for you when I remembered one crucial fact: I had no idea what the odds were on Mooney scoring or on the game ending 1-1." Continuing in similar vein for several gigabytes, it ends: "1-1 draws usually come in at about 6/1 with Mooney to be an anytime scorer at about 2/1, maybe 9/4 I reckon. You may have got 13/2 or thereabouts for Mooney to be last scorer so you'd have been looking for odds of about 20/1 for the 1-1 with Mooney scoring at anytime and 50/1 for 1-1 with Mooney bagging the last goal." I wish I hadn't asked now.

And that'll do for today, because the Diary has to nip to Sainsbury's and buy lots of food for Chrimbo. What are you lot asking Father Claus for? Email diary@codalmighty.com with your Xmas lists, and let's find out whether the red-coated, Football League-sponsoring, Ken Bates-imitating reindeer worrier reads the Diary.