Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Thursday 16 December 2004

16 December 2004

In other striker news today, the Grimsby Telegraph rocks the football world with the news of Noddy's contingency plan for when Allsopp and Jon Walters say no to his face and those Scandinavians have returned to Humberside Airport after everyone has forgotten about them. Mr Slade has agreed a loan with fat southern vowel-mangler Barry Fry for Peterborough's Richard Logan but has yet to speak to the player himself about the move: a matter of the supremest indifference to Town fans who have seen Logan play for Posh and Boston and believe the player's usefulness to be on a par with that of the proverbial chocolate fireguard.

Hang on there, Mr Diary, you're saying, what do you mean 'other striker news'? And come to think of it, you're adding, haven't I read that entire paragraph somewhere before? Yes, reader - exactly a week ago, to be precise, on 9 December. Well remembered. But Town's worrying interest in the less than lavishly talented Logan is being reported elsewhere as an entirely new development, and if there's one thing the Diary has in common with Ashley Sestanovich it's that neither of us like to feel left out.

In the only real striker news today, then, young David Soames is telling Mariners World, now that he has returned to fitness, how he hopes to prove to Russell Slade that he can do more than run very quickly in straight lines across the width of the pitch. The Mariners are also hoping to sign Australian u20 international Adam Kwasnik and former Dunfermline hotshot Stewart Petrie, but because the Mariners in question are the Central Coast Mariners, newly arrived in the Australian A-League, I doubt very much that you will be overcome with a morbid fascination to know more.

The Diary is not just a daily news digest with a sceptical and occasionally witty twist, you know. This column also serves as a tourist information guide, broker of peace talks and personal messenger service, and it is in the latter capacity that I now bring you this tiresomely introduced paragraph. A Cod Almighty reader recently emailed us, after viewing the site's absolutely fascinating and in no way anally retentive T-shirt sales information page, to ask where the 'average location' of all our T-shirt buyers might be. We've lost the email, but CA stats supremo Andy 'The Anorak' Holt has asked the Diary to announce that "following bucket-loads of time-consuming analysis yesterday I can reveal that the global heartbeat of Cod Almighty fashionware/wear is about five miles north of Saffron Walden in Essex, just outside Little Walden." Thanks, Andy. You can get back to your Excel spreadsheet of cost/benefit analysis on your 2005 Christmas shopping list now.

And that is just about that from me for another week, but that doesn't mean there's no reason to point your adorable little browser in this direction once again at the same time tomorrow, because Friday's GTFC news, views and personal abuse will be brought to you, as ever, by one of Cod Almighty's squadron of workshy guest diarists. I won't see you at the match tomorrow, of course, so thanks for reading, and have yourselves all splendid weekends, however you plan to spend them. Byesie-bye.