Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Friday 10 December 2004
10 December 2004
A shivering welcome from the duchy of West Yorkshire for today's lunchtime sift through the self-raising flour of Town news.
The long, tiring and daunting trip for our first ever meeting with Yeovil - which probably isn't quite as arduous a journey if you floor your Lexus RX300 all the way there - has the Russ pondering over two selection problems from Tuesday night's team: Colin Cramb's been poorly sick and not trained for the past few days, while Stacy has pulled his groin (their words not our's). Simon Ramsden and Mansarama are looking to get drafted into the squad, although the former is some way off match fit. Slade, sounding like Richard Krenna in First Blood, gives Simon Ramsden a hint in the (seemingly - and pleasing so - Trevor Green-free) Grimmo Telegraph that he'd better hurry his match fitness up or face being mercilessly killed by an extravagantly muscled ex-soldier: "Rambo is getting closer."
Over at the OS "a player who definitely won't be travelling is Nick Heggarty"; we think he definitely wasn't travelling, broken toe or not. And, yes, you did read that right a few sentences back - Manasarama is travelling with the squad after Russ's requests to borrow one of the Tahgahs' many surplus strikers were greeted somewhat tersely by Peter Taylor: "We're not interested - Grimsby are wasting their time." Well, fuck off and stop wasting our time as well then, you minge-teasing tosser.
Goal machine Sir John McDermott won't fear a former Mariners striker, so reckons a piece on the BBC Humber site cunningly titled "McDermott won't fear former Mariners striker". But who is the sexy full-back referring to? Mendonca? Rees? McGarvey? Alas, Macca is on about that talented slacker Phil Jevons. Those who thought Jevvo was a bit of a plank during his time at Town have their just rewards with Macca telling us about Jevons's new-found position under a window. Unless BBC Humbo have been bloody useless and mistyped 'still'. Carrying on that theme, the Beeb's North Bank branch goes on the FACT! trail: "Jevons is one of the leading scorers in League Two this season with 14 goals". I think you'll find he is actually the top scorer, but nice try.
It's all yet more talk of Jevvo at Mariners World. The wonky cap wearing Russter (do you think he supports the Yankees or is it a style thing?) and Dale Ladson remark that Jevons is "a former striker". Still, he is one of the leading scorers in League Two I hear - not bad for an ex-striker. Terrell Forbes says he "doesn't know much about him," before suddenly getting all philosophical: "In the end we're all human." Quite. Interestingly, Terrell's interview contains some jolly little tit-bits. He's happy to be back in Grimsby (which must be a first for anyone ever), feels he's blessed, is playing footie which he enjoys, thinks what Grimsby did for him given all that "nonsense" was - to quote the man - "quality", he just wants to get promotion with Grimsby Town, "we're just like a big family" and is concetrating on the football ("what I'm good at"). Bless. Welcome back, Terrell! And what a happy camper, eh?
As is, it seems, a perky Andy Parkinson who inexplicably raises the hopes of Town fans by reckoning the Mariners are play-off material. Better start scoring some goals then, boyo, instead of claiming blatant own-goals as your own then. And talking of claims - Cramb, intelligent player? Compared to who? And can he do the crossword in the new Heat, let alone the Guardian?
Mariners Bet are offering 7/2 on a Town win, but you'd probably be best off settling for 5/2 on the draw if Mr Ronnie Bull's place in the team assures Town of non-defeat. "Since I've come into the side we have gone on a bit of a run." He's so modest. Other odds of note: bench boy Michael Reddy is 7/1 as a first goal scorer, Cramb's 9/1, as is one Jon Daly. Town's goalscoring full-backs, Macca and Bull are at 12s and 14s respectively to score at any point in the game. Hmmmm... Time for another online betting account.
A quick rustle in the postbag and - hello! - it's big friend of the Diary, Pat Bell, who writes in about yesterday's call for Hockless to be given a starting berth (supposedly). "Do you think next June there will be a speight of failed GCSE papers in the NE Lincs area?" asks Pat before offering the following examples:
Maths: solve these equations:You know, you might be onto something here, Pat. Maybe the club should link up with an exam board, in some sort of sponsorship deal...
x2 - y(1/3z)= 42
Answer: Start with Graham HocklessHistory: The shooting of Archduke Ferdinand was merely the last domino in a chain that led to Word War One. Discuss.
Answer: Start with Graham Hockless
And, finally, the club also wants to remind its fans that "we've still got places left on various nights in December for groups to enjoy our very competitive 4 course Christmas Carvery - just £16.95 per person." It's good job it's lunchtime, as typing that out has made me furthermore hungry. Although I'll be making my two course meal of sandwiches and a yoghurt without resorting to jostling with my wife at the bread board. All in a totally casual dress code. Talking of which, thanks to the cold my thumbs have gone weird. Just time for me to ask if anyone's going to the game tomorrow would they mind writing us a report? Drop the diary a line using the link on the left. And now, to retreat to the warmth of the kitchen. Ciao!