Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 6 December 2004

6 December 2004

Hello! Hello! It's good to be back. Except in the sense that I still have a load of work to do and write the Diary. But hey, at least my magnificent Ivano Bonetti T-shirt arrived, and I managed to get out at the weekend and celebrate Cod Almighty making it into the When Saturday Comes 'festive twenty', and given the sterling efforts of last week's tag team of substitute diarists, you can't have missed me all that much. Can you?

So, as I flex my typing fingers and launch myself headlong back into the daily torrent of news that envelops Grimsby Town Football Club, what are the big stories that will today shake North East Lincolnshire to its very mantle? Well, our thirst for Town-flavoured tea is unlikely to be slaked this afternoon. Russ is still after a loan striker, who still doesn't have a name; Terrell Forbes has still signed a new contract that will keep him at Blundell Park until the end of the season; and Nicky Law is still both ugly and unemployed.

Ooh, hang on! Stop press! Well, stop upload. Whatever! The Grimsby Telegraph has some news about strikers! Finnish international Ville Vaisanen... coming on trial... ooh... mortal enemy of Doctor Who, Tope Arojogon... also coming on trial... cor... West Ham's Greg Pearson... going back to Upton Park after failing trial... "he had very little experience," says Slade... cos, like, you needed to bring the poor lad all the way up from London for a week and make him play for the reserves to find that out...

Northwich Victoria's epic quest to avoid relegation from the Conference armed only with Greg Young and a 10-point penalty for going into administration continues - but all the Town reject-laden Cheshire strugglers picked up from Saturday's visit to Glenn Cockerill's Woking was a 2-0 defeat. And a yellow card for Greg. The Vics remain ten points downstream of safety but are swimming hard towards Forest Green with a dagger clenched between their teeth.

Serious-minded readers may now be feeling grave doubts about the Diary's sense of priorities, given that I stand exposed as the kind of shallow-minded fool who sees fit to dwell upon the Conference relegation struggle while there is so much else going on in the world that is far more serious and worthy of our attention. Emails from Dave the Engineer, for example, who has been reflecting upon Keith Alexander being named fourth division manager of the month ahead of Brian Laws. "Nice that Keith got the award," remarks Dave. Does his generosity extend to Glanford Park? Let's find out. "TYE was on Lincs FM last week when they were speculating he would win it again. Let's hope at the season end they have won fuck all." I thought not.

Lastly today, then, a second email to the Diary, also on the subject of Town's Lincolnshire neighbours, but this time from Manchester Mariner Miles Moss. "Many Town fans will no doubt be extremely jealous of Scunthorpe's glamour tie at Chelsea," writes MM, "but the one which made me go 'Ooh, yer bastards!' out loud at the telly was Exeter's forthcoming trip to Old Trafford. That should have been our tie. And it's just round the corner from me, so it would have been dead handy and that. Buggerit." Well, that's one way of seeing it; but where Miles' cup is half full, the Diary's has been knocked off the table by Doncaster Rovers and lies shattered on the floor.