Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Monday 31 January 2005

31 January 2005

"That Diary chap is a complete fruitcake!" If this is what you think then you're wrong, but you might also, by way of psychoanalysis, attempt to engage me in some word association. "Town," you might say. "Misery," I might reply. "Music," you could then utter. "Happiness," I would doubtless retort. "Nicky Law," you may declare. At which point a great flood of traumatic associations would course relentlessly through my brain: "Relegation... ugly... Mickael Antoine-Curier... panic late-season signings... gibber, gibber... please - just kill me now! KILL ME NOW!"

Sorry. Anyway, it looks very much like Mr Russell Slade's predecessor - who, the Grimsby Telegraph has just discovered, has found his level and been managing Buxton FC in the Northern Counties East League for the last six games - will be the last manager of Grimsby Town Football Club to be remembered for panic late-season signings, since the Football League has at last capitulated to FIFA's insistence that it adopt the transfer window system as of next season, meaning all panic signings from now on will have to be made in the summer and in January. Many observers expect the ruling to deal a potentially fatal blow to many small clubs which, like GTFC, are still reeling from the financial chaos wrought by ITV Digital, increasing the domination of football by rich clubs and leaving communities across the country without a professional side to support, but these disadvantages are surely outweighed by the many obvious benefits of the transfer window system, namely... er... oh.

You remember Kevin Donovan, don't you? The hero of Town's 1997-98 promotion season who couldn't cut it in the second flight and left for Barnsley because of their "Premiership ambitions", only for his new side to drop to the third division and Tykes fans to brand him their worst player ever? And you remember Darren Barnard? The former Premiership left-back who saw Town through two relegations and then, because it would be "a problem" for him to play in the fourth division, left the club to join Aldershot in the Conference? Well, no such fun can be poked at Dean Gordon, another former Premiership left-back, who saw his omission from Town's team to face Macclesfield last Boxing Day as the perfect excuse to do one. Deano Gordo has, according to some reports, brushed aside interest from Dundee and Darlington in favour of Apoel Nicosia of Cyprus, where he will apparently be handed a two-year contract and a place in the Champions League, together, one imagines, with penalty-taking duties, a tax-free luxury apartment and all the sunshine he can eat. Bah.

Elsewhere today, Richard Pacquette won't be turning up for his trial with the Mariners any time soon, or probably ever, as he picked up a thigh strain playing for Stevenage against Canvey Island, I think; Kirk Wheeler, released by GTFC after, well, nothing, has signed terms at AFC Barrow, where he spent some time on loan a bit ago; and Town are running a fundraising auction to spend a match day in the boardroom lording it up with the chairman - or, if Positive John is unavailable, with the "Duty Director" - which the Diary won't be bidding on because to hang out with Mr Fenty you have to dress like Mr Fenty and I am a debauched crazy-ass rock 'n' roll mutha who nobody tells what to wear. Which is probably why nobody ever gives me a job. But hey, that's their loss. And Town's.

I have in my hand a piece of email from Cod Almighty's ace match reporter Tony Butcher, who, unfortunately for Cod Almighty, wasn't quite ace enough to haul his ass to Cheltenham on Friday night, but God knows we all need a break from it all sometimes. TB has given much thought instead to the issue of how Paul Moran's girlfriend Liz's friend Selina could do the black bits without liquorice if she makes her dad a Watford birthday cake. And if you asked me two weeks ago whether that was a sentence I expected to be typing any time soon, candour would have compelled me to answer in the negative. "Can't she just burn the sponge?" writes Tony, who clearly doesn't watch enough food TV to have picked up the word 'chargrilled', and adds with a wickedly satirical twist: "I am allowed to say burn aren't I? Not too close to Burns?" They'll ban you as well if you carry on like that, Tone.