Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Friday 14 January 2005
14 January 2005
Due to an unfortunate mix-up in the carrier pigeons Cod Almighty uses to communicate we have two diaries today. Like a choose your own adventure book we'll give you a choice. If you want to read the first diary from a mystery writer go to the next paragraph. If you want to read the second diary penned by Guest Diary, click here. The Diary will probably complain about the cack-handed way we're doing this but it'd be a shame to let either of these go to waste.
Diary #1: written by A N Other
It seems Guest Diary has taken his Reggie Perrin moment to heart, his quill pen and titfer have just been found at the edge of Chapmans Pond.
In his place a mystery guest, special fried rice and chips diarist who refuses to take off his mask. It's Mr E to you.
In a packed programme tonight we shall be talking to ladies who like Nicholas Parsons and parsons who like knicker-less ladies. Or alternatively clicking the mouse in vain search for some sense and sensibility down Blundell Park way. After Tuesday's abject surrender to a, for once, competent opposition Bagruss has leapt to the defence of his under fire playmaker. "I will never drop Thom, he's the first, the last, my everything," he didn't say. Yard Dog Stace will replace him.
Yard Dog? Who said that first? Ah yes, we remember it well. Official messageboard scapegoat Graham Rodger after Stace's return from having three legs amputated. Otherwise known as Nicky Law according to today's haphazard ramblings in the increasingly shonky GET. They needs lessons in spelling, or Spalding.
Yes, yes, but what news of tomorrow? It is Saturday, Town are in that London doing the Leyton walk, oi! No Bull. That's right, no Ronnie Bull and who's crowing now that Mr Versatile Jason Crowe is out until he isn't? We're supposed to be overjoyed by the possible placement of Tony Crane backside on the substitute's bench. And Hockless will be flipped like a toad into the Home Stand.
Elsewhere Town future continues to be Town's past. Ashley Hildred being the 675th ex-Town player to try his luck at York, joining the two Pauls Robinsons and the Lee Nogan in a pear tree.
Ticket news! I've got one, so I can get in. If you haven't it's pot luck whether you can blag your way in as all official channels are claiming Gordon loves Tony and the game is all-ticket for Townies. We've heard that one before. Are they crying wolf? Argue with a burly copper tomorrow to find out."
Diary #2: written by Guest Diary
It's been a John Cooper Clarke of a morning here, in deepest Lincolnshire, as your Guest Diarist moped about, trying to get his head around the fact that Terry Fleming must be better than he actually is. A combative midfield presence was sorely missed during the second half against a decent Northampton side, who out-thought and out-fought Town. Fleming might have remedied the latter, but the former is firmly in the province of Mr Russell Slade who has been disappointing of late, in my view. His doziness, in failing to react quickly to Bull's injury, may, or may not, have cost us a goal. But it definitely raised the collective blood pressure of the Blundell Park faithful as they howled for a very dilatory substitution. Bull has spent the next few days trying to work out which ankle hurts the most, and will definitely be propping them both up on soft cushions during the bus ride this Saturday when the Mariners take on Leyton Orient down the smoke.
The official site has published a preview, which confirms that Bull is 'on the bus'. Fleming also travels, and is bound to be back in the side as Crowe is out with damaged ankle ligaments. The entire back seat of the coach has been reserved for the ample frame of Mr Tony Crane who is going along (just for the ride I predict), to replace Slade's imaginary friend Glen Downey whom, we are told, took a knock in the reserve game midweek. So that's the team news folks, and I'm pleased that London based Town fans have a sporting chance of seeing Thomas Pinault strut his stuff. Long may he swagger. Sestanovich, of course, starts his two-match ban, and there's no news of a club fine for the fucking daft outburst that caused it.
Orient are re-developing two of their stands, so away clubs only get 500 tickets. Scunny managed to sell all of theirs when they went, but my guess is Town will only have two or three hundred fans at the match. If I could be arsed I'd ring the club to ask how many have been sold. But I can't - sorry. Whether the unsold tickets can be bought on the day is another question. Try ringing the Orient ticket office on 020 8926 1010. Allow about two days for this, and expect to hear "I'm sorry there's no-one here to take your call at the moment..." at very regular intervals.
Following the mass hysteria whipped up by those headline loving chaps at the Electronic Fishcake, Town chairman John Fenty will be fending off questions at a fans' forum on Tuesday. Cleverer chaps than me have worked out that the interest penalty on Town's overdue tax bill is likely to be in the region of three hundred quid a day, so this is like having at least three extra Glen Downeys on the payroll. The fighting fund will struggle to keep pace with the interest charges I reckon, never mind the pesky £700k debt. But you have to start somewhere, I suppose. Maybe we should gamble the fund on a Town draw tomorrow at 9/4. Nice price. See yer.