Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 18 March 2005

18 March 2005

When you hear about a young sprout in the Pontoon who grows up and makes his debut for Town, dear reader, you think it's a nice story. I trust you'll be equally heart-warmed today as a regular reader writes his first Diary. When said player is awful, everyone hates him, but hopefully you'll be a little more forgiving as Durham Diary screws up his own debut Jason Crowe-style.

Talking of the bird man, the Grimsby Telegraph announces that he may be fit in time to play against Darlington tomorrow. Sir Sort It is reported as saying: "Crowey is in with a chance but it's touch and go. He hasn't done a great deal of training but is a lot better," although better than what he doesn't specify. Better than a French playmaker may be what he's getting at, I fear.

Switching now to the OS, which adds that Simon Ramsden is definitely out. In addition to this, Stacy Coldicott and Justin Whittle are both rated as doubtful, although Whittle "should be okay for the visit of David Hodgson's promotion hopefuls", making him not really that doubtful if you think about it. The OS also points out that Monsieur Slade finally has options to choose from up front. While Reddy and Gritton were beginning to look the part before Reddy's latest injury, it would be difficult to drop Matt Harrold, who has scored in both of his first two matches.

With regard to Darlington, striker Clyde Wijnhard will miss the next three games following his sending-off against Yeovil last week, although the official Darlington website reports that Big Boss Hodgson was unable to see why. This is all cleared up with a quote from the thoroughly eloquent (and possibly blind) man himself: "I can't see anything, but the players have told me and Clyde hasn't denied it but Clyde actually hit him once or twice before he actually got sent off but only because the boy was retaliating." Ex-Celtic and Feyenoord winger Bobby Petta is also out after suffering a hamstring strain in the same game. Defender Chris Mason hasn't played for the first team all season, but he spectacularly swallowed his own tongue in a reserve game, which I think deserves a mention regardless.

Despite being top goalscorer for my college first team, Durham Diary was once asked to play in goal, because the keeper hadn't turned up. What we should have done is place a bid on eBay for a professional goalie. That's what a grand aggregate of zero people did yesterday when some jokester put Town shot-'stopper' Anthony Williams up for auction. Positive John McFenty leaps to his player's defence: "Anthony is absolutely not for sale. He is a smashing fellow and the fans aren't giving him a chance. I feel for the guy. If we look across the divisions, even in the Premiership, goalkeepers are making mistakes. I think it is a lot to do with the balls being 10 per cent lighter which means they have a tendency to swerve more." Stop talking balls, John. In fairness to Tony, the lack of bids probably wasn't because he's crap, but because the reserve price was set at a ridiculously inflated £1. A quick search for other Grimsby items available returns a "Bust of the Grimsby Fisherman", although I thought selling body parts on eBay was illegal.

Continuing the auction theme, the OS is trying to flog a framed photo of Michael Reddy, described as "Town's shooting star with the gentle Irish brogue, the flowing locks, the chiselled good looks and the sparkling eyes". The first line of the article reads: "You know the OS - never ones to fall for the obvious headline, so before we start, we're resisting the temptation to use the phrase are you Reddy for this!" The first line, that is, apart from the headline, er, Are You Reddy For This. Call me a raving heterosexual but I think I'll stick to my Britney poster.

Anyway, it's been a pleasure, but I've got a student room to empty. I'll see you all tomorrow. Bums on seats, readers, bums on seats.