Cod Almighty | Diary
Diary - Monday 14 March 2005
14 March 2005
The Diary learned a very important lesson at the age of seven, when I was distracted by another kid riding a particularly ace bike in Sidney Park, turned my head to admire the rather sporty drinks bottle attached to its crossbar while continuing to walk in the same direction, and deservedly plunged headlong into the park's notoriously filth-strewn pond. The lesson was that it never hurts to look forward, and who knows, perhaps the same thing happened to a young John Fenty at some point, as Grimsby Town FC have today formally confirmed that Russell Slade will remain team manager next season.
So an official announcement to that effect, all dead proper and that, like, explains that the contract Sort It was awarded last summer included a clause whereby a top-half finish in 2004-05 would guarantee him at least another year in the job, but in the light of the Mariners' decent form of late "the club felt it was right to act now and confirm Russell's position", confounding the manager's detractors, bringing relief to GTFC SMS subscribers who got a text this morning about an official announcement and wondered whether the rumours were true about Town going into administration when they reached 50 points, and leaving the Cod Almighty team wondering what they'll do in four months' time by way of a side graphic on the 2005-06 season index page. When you think about the state the club was in when Mr Russ arrived, after a succession of hasty management changes, you can't really argue; although this being Grimsby, I'm sure plenty will try to anyway.
"I have just been to the OS," writes Sean Fieldsend in an email to the Diary. Sorry to hear that, Sean; please accept the Diary's best wishes for a speedy recovery. Oh, you've not finished, have you? Sorry. Let's take it from the top. "I have just been to the OS and have noticed something very interesting which may explain our inconsistency this season. The theory revolves around Ronnie Bull and Stacy Coldicott. It appears Coldicott has now joined Ronnie Bull on having a day off on paternity leave. Of course there is nothing wrong with this, and indeed it is a legal requirement to allow them to have this, but my concerns are much deeper than this. The birth is less of an issue to me than the conception. If last June all the Grimsby players were busy servicing their wives and girlfriends instead of doing much needed pre-season training, it's no wonder we have no consistency." Insert your own 'lack of penetration' gags here, readers. "Also, it raises the question if the wives of GTFC players feel much like Anthony Williams has for much of this seasonÂ… no protection."
From Stacy Coldicott's face in the throes of sexual ecstasy to another email, this time the handiwork of Janet Dixon, who writes simply: "You're bloody funny, y'know." Well, thanks Janet - assuming, perhaps unwisely, that your laughter is with me rather than at me - but if brevity is the soul of wit then the Diary can clearly be only the prince of comedy to your queen.