Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 11 March 2005

11 March 2005

Hooray! It's here at last! No, not Comic Relief. Nor the "eagerly awaited" game against Boston tomorrow. No, no. 9 Songs - a film about a couple who meet at nine gigs and have some supposedly degraded shagging afer each of these meets - is out today, and your guest diarist in Leeds is excited. There must be a footie twist on this film on the way. It'll 'transpose' so well. Come to think of it, after this weekend's fixture there will only be nine Town games left. Ooo, anyone fancy meeting at half-time of the Darlo game and nipping back to mine for some base rutting afterwards? Enough of this excitement. Let me just recross my legs and we'll crack on with the news.

Turning to tomorrow's match, good news for those who recoiled in horror when purusing the fact file at the Pilgrims having a striker - in Andy Kirk - who has netted 20 times this season (and at a rate of two every three games) who, with immaculate timing, departed for Northampton yesterday. The report says for "six figures" apparently. So a Han Solo, a Storm Trooper, Chewie, Darth Vader with an unbroken lightsaber, Boba Fett, and the clincher - a Luke Skywalker Jedi Knight. The Pilgrims' other noted striker - one Jason Lee - is suspended. Add in Town's superior recent form over Boston's and it's setting itself up for an obvious defeat on the road.

Comic Relief today. I know because some of the ladies in the office have delivered the ultimatum "three quid to have your hair sprayed red, three quid not to have your hair sprayed red." Maybe Chester is in a different time zone, say, one day ahead after Chester City chairman Stephen Vaughan's comments about Andy Parkinson's contract yesterday ("We are aware his contract at Grimsby expires in the summer"), especially as it was publicly known that Parky signed up for two years. Also, I know because of this humour-laden email from part-time university student, full-time Town fan Michael Shelton. "I really don't understand." What troubles is Mikey having with his studies this time? "How can it possibly be beneficial to get an injured player to climb a bloody tree? And even worse, why send the physio up with him? If one of them falls it could be very dangerous. What, you haven't heard? Just ask the OS: Michael Reddy trained on the beech with Dave Moore this morning..." It's true, you know. Talking of injuries, Stace the Coldicott is 'doubtful' on the fitness-o-meter, Michael Reddy (a man who can avoid reddening antics by virtue of already being 'reddy', ho ho) has had treatment and might make the bench. Martin Gritton - the footballer whose sexiness appeals to both women and men - returns to the starting line-up, probably to partner Prince Harry. Jason Crowe and Simon Ramsden are both out.

There's another reason I know it is Comic Relief for today we've asked some movers and shakers in the world to give us some gags for our one-off feature, Gags Corner. Believe us, you'll wish they were gagged after this, especially as Geoff Ford and Russell Slade didn't send us a chuckle. Boo Slade!

A bloke walks into a psychiatrist's wearing cling film shorts and says "am I in the right place"? The psychiatrist says "yes, I can clearly see your nuts!"
David Burns of BBC Radio Humberside

What's John Fenty's favourite record? "Drive" by the Cars! "Whose gonna drive you home tonight?..."
Tony Rogers, sometime contributor to this site

News that might affect Town in the future: The Football League will "extend the test" according to the BBC site. More multiple choice questions as to what do when put clear through on goal? An extra piece of coursework on angles for 'keepers? No, merely, another rule for the Fit and Proper Persons Test (FPPT) that the league introduced last summer. Luckily for Postive John the new rule doesn't disqualify disqualified speed drivers, merely registered Sex Offenders.

And that's your lot for today, and for the next couple weeks this diarist. If you fancy having a go at penning next Friday's guest diary, drop us a line with a sealed bid. Highest bid wins, money to the KTMA fund. Maybe. Ciao!