Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 19 August 2005

19 August 2005

I met an Imp in Ikea last Saturday. He wasn't happy.

It's Friday, it's not five o'clock, it's not Crackerjack. Deviant Diary arriving with a late run into the box, just like Andy Parkinson. The neatness of the link is in direct contrast to the neatness of Town's laundry room. Andy Pandy Parky's exclusive interview on Mariners World elicited fascinating insights into his descent into the Black Hole of despair and Donovan. He loves it! He's really enjoying his free role. Nice to know someone is. Describing his position as "the more advanced of the three central midfielders", he notices that he is more involved in the play now. Lay back in your swivel chair for a few moments... and open your eyes again. The moment is passed, you will not fear rabbits any more. It's the power of the mind: pigs and even DC-10s can fly.

Elsewhere on Planet Town there is news of an injury-free squad: Whittle, Toner, everyone fit-fit on Old McSladey's farm, ee-aye ee-aye-oh. Nope, not even Reddy's scary groin has malfunctioned in the 10 workless days since the day trip to Bristol. So stand by for six changes as the squad must have been hit by a mystery virus - the sort that American TV series can spin into 24 episodes with several layers of meaning, but it's basically a simple good v evil morality tale. Lost, anybody? We're back to Parky.

Speculation is rife - isn't it always in medialand. Is it ever anything else? What is it rife about? I'm so glad you asked, for the make-up of the Town team is causing much chin-stroking wonderment and other diversionary work displacement activities this fine Friday. The official site thinks Toner and the as-yet-to-be properly nicknamed, shortened or named Pope Jean Paul Kamudimba Kalala II will be set for bench starts, whatever they are. Is it a new fitness programme, good for the tummy? I reckon Town'll go for a 1-1-1-1-3-2-1-2-1 formation, the innovative structure confusing Town's favourite referee, Mr Carl Boyeson, enough for him to allow 13 striped warriors to roam. You remember Carlo don't you? The battle of Belle Vue cannot have faded from memory so quickly, can it? It caused much purple prose from the purple-faced Pontoonite pen-pushers.

Darlington are expected to turn up on time tomorrow. They also expect to win. With impeccable logic their manager reasons that "We know we can beat them when they are at their best and we are not" following their dead spawny double over Town last season. Yeah, like football follows Marxist theories of determinism rigidly, comrade Hodgson.

The Imp was wet, and he never met Tom Hanks. The meatballs were nice though.