Cod Almighty | Diary

Diary - Friday 30 September 2005

30 September 2005

Good afternoon Dave. Deviant diary returning from the dark side of the Pontoon with a snapshot of Town life.

If, like Ray Davies, you like your football on a Saturday, then tomorrow isn't just another day but your last opportunity for three whole weeks of wholeness to avoid the thrills and spills of Freshney Place. Shrewsbury's the place to be, with the visit of table- and cake-topping Town, the sexiest team in the land, causing the locals to scream with gay abandon. "Bring it on!!!!" shrieks their unfeasibly coiffured manager, recalling the recent summary despatch of the fabled and flopping black and white stripeys, Notts County. Yeah, we beat them twice as well as you did, so nerrrrrr with knobs on, as the more genteel and sophisticated of the conga-partying Town fans would add.

Never mind the coracles, feel the width - and I don't mean Duane Dibley's stomach. The Shrews are threatening all-out attack-attack-attack-attack-attack with the ex-Hull (and a load of other unimportant lower league teams) striker the focal point of everything blue, in one of those so-last-year 4-3-3 formations. Oh Duane Darby, it says here: not a buck-toothed comic character from yesteryear. Bring it on!

Town? Gary Jones still has lumps and Parky has never heard of shin splints, honest guv. I see you've already pinched the salt when it comes to Town's pre-match fitness pronouncements.

For those not Gaybound, you'll just have to huddle around your wireless and, like the rest of us, rely upon that anarchic, zany wordfest of allusion, illusion and delusion that is Radio Humberside. The question remains unanswered: are Tondeur and Kerr the Ant and Dec of North East Lincolnshire? What do you mean it's never been asked?

Words of the week: work ethic.